My Pet Peeve
by NoodleRamen
Summary: Walking home one night Shikamaru acquires a strange and very annoying pet... Rated M for Hidan. Read and review.
1. Chapter 1

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine. **_

Shikamaru hated early mornings. They meant so many evil things. Noise. Effort. It was a well known fact that bed was the way to go and he was going to stay there... Well he almost got to.

"Get your lazy ass out of bed right now mister!" _Ugh._

"For god's sake woman, I only have two lectures today. _And_ they're both with that moron Gai."

"If you keep skipping, I'll ring your mother!"

"You wouldn't."

"Then shift ass." Ino slammed the door shut and stalked off leaving Shikamaru scowling where she had been standing.

_Troublesome women... _

-Page Break-

The lecture theatre was unusually full for nine in the morning though luckily his friend had saved him a seat.

"Good morning and good night" Shikamaru mumbled before pulling out the arm rest and laying his head down on it.

"You aren't seriously just coming here to sleep are you?" Sasuke looked unimpressed.

"Why else would I? I'm guessing Naruto and Kiba had a busy night last night?"

"I think you know the answer to that one." From the dark circles under his eyes it was pretty obvious.

"You said you'd hidden all the alcohol."

"Not well enough it seems."

"Good morning my youthful students!" They both jumped out of their skins as Gai Maito slammed his hand down on the front desks and started shouting at everyone.

"It's too early in the morning for this." Shikamaru groaned. "Wake me up when it's over."

-Page Break-

"If those morons haven't cleaned up yet, I'll castrate both of them."

"Won't that prove to be a problem for you if Naruto has nothing down there?"

"Ah well, he certainly won't be getting any tonight or any other night." Sasuke's revenge tactics were always interesting and amusing to watch. As long as you weren't involved anyway.

"Better those two than Ino." Shikamaru shared a flat with his two childhood friends Ino and Choji. The only problem was that Ino was almost like a second mother and nagged him nearly continuously. Choji was his best friend and was sadly dating the woman, but he was a good friend and a great cook so he was useful to have around.

"She's not that bad."

"Maybe when she's silent." It was likely that her annoying friend Sakura would be there when he got back. "Can I go to yours for a while? I don't think I can face two of the banshees."

"Sure."

The first thing they saw when they walked in the front door was Kiba asleep on top of the shoe rack, using what looked like army boots for a pillow. He was also wearing a purple lace tutu on top of his jeans.

"...Where does he get those?"

"I'm not too sure. I think he must have a load stashed in his cupboard." Kiba always seemed to find brightly coloured tutu's whenever he was drunk. It had been a yellow one he was wearing when he and Shikamaru first met a few months ago. "Gaara's going to be pissed when he sees how much the dog has drooled on his shoes."

"I'd pay to watch that."

"If I put on the webcam we can watch from my room."

"Excellent."

-Page Break-

It was already dark when Shikamaru went to go home despite it only being early evening, and the rain was absolutely tipping it down. All in all a very shit night and one you wouldn't want to walk home in.

_Stupid winter weather. _Shikamaru was glad he'd remembered to bring an umbrella at least as he'd stupidly worn a very thin jacket rather than anything remotely waterproof. His house was a long walk away from Sasuke's and he really wasn't in the mood, but he had bought it on himself. Barely anyone else was around with most people avoiding the wet or getting ready to go out for the night, and it was a little creepy to be out alone.

The rain started pouring down harder and Shikamaru frowned. It was just one of those days when things were going to go wrong. This was confirmed when he not only stood knee deep in a river of water that had formed in the road, and a car that went past covered the rest of him. Now dripping wet he dashed to the closest doorway where he could at least wait for the rain to go off.

It was after a few minutes of trying to squeeze the water out of his jacket that he realised he wasn't alone. Barely a meter away was a young man who couldn't be that much older than him. Well he assumed so from what he could see of him. The man was crouched on the ground and curled up into a ball, trying to avoid the rain and keep in warmth.

His skin was pale and he seemed quite skinny and fairly tall. Long silvery grey hair fell down over his face, dripping with water. The man seemed completely unaware of anyone else's presence, like he was in his own little world that didn't include anyone else.

For a moment Shikamaru stayed still and didn't make a sound, hoping that the man wasn't one of those psychotic people that would freak out at any human contact. You couldn't be too careful. But when he'd been there for a while and nothing happened he decided to just finish wringing out his jacket and get the hell out of there.

Just as he pulled his jacket on Shikamaru felt eyes boring into his side. Slowly he turned round and looked into a pair of wide violet eyes. The young man was strangely beautiful and he was looking up at him with an odd longing in his eyes. It was awkward and a little scary and he didn't quite know if he should say anything or just leave quietly.

"Are you... ok there?" There was no reply, just more staring. After a few seconds the boy shuffled closer to him. Despite the fact that he was pushed up against the wall as far as he could go he was still getting drenched.

"Err... well I'm going to leave now." Yet again there was no reply but despite the blank look on the boys face, Shikamaru noticed that his face fell ever so slightly. Well wasn't that just wonderful. A nice dollop of guilt to go with his urge to flee for his life.

"Here." With a slight sigh he held out his umbrella. The boy looked unsure for a moment but then reached out and took it. "S-see ya."

It was still pouring with rain but he wanted to get away from an awkward and troublesome situation. Luckily he was only a few sheets away from home so he pulled his hood up and tried to ignore the gradual soaking through to his head. This bothered him so much that it took him longer than it would usually do to notice the footsteps behind him. It wasn't odd that there were other people around in this weather; it was more that this person had been following him for a while.

_Ok, take it slowly and don't make it obvious. _Stretching his arms and yawning slightly, Shikamaru turned his head slowly round and then quickly stared ahead again. It seemed that the silver haired boy was a psychopath and was following him whilst giving him one of the weirdest stares he'd ever seen. Not only that but the boy was simply holding the umbrella by his side and allowing the rain to fall over him.

_...This guy is either psychotic or a moron. _Maybe he was scared for his life but he still couldn't help being irritated by the stupidity of this boy. What kind of moron doesn't know how to work an umbrella? Honestly.

Shikamaru came to a halt just at the end of the road and waited until the footsteps behind him stopped. He then turned around and marched over to his odd little stalker who was still staring at him with the same creepy facial expression. Yanking the umbrella out of the man's hand, he opened it out then handed it back to him with a scowl.

"There. Now leave me alone." Shikamaru then turned round and resumed walking home with the hope that this would now be the end of it. By the time he got to the middle of the street with no sound behind him he hoped that would be the end of it. Until he heard the footsteps start up yet again.

_Does this weirdo have nothing better to do?! _There was a great sense of relief when he could turn off into his front garden and unlock his front door to safety. He paused once again as he realised the psycho was standing on the pavement still staring.

"What do you want?! I gave you my umbrella and that's all you're getting, ok?" More staring. "Can you even talk? Do you understand what I'm saying?"

After a minute of eye-contact he gave up and dashed inside, slamming the door shut. It was one of those heavy wooden doors so he knew that he would at least be safe in here.

"Hey Shika, where've you been?" Choji stood in the doorway of the living room with a bag of crisps in hand.

"Watching Gaara kick the shit out of Kiba via webcam."

"Did you guys make a copy?"

"I think Sasuke recorded most of it. And I also acquired a stalker."

"A what?!"

"I gave a guy my umbrella because he looked wet and I think he was homeless, and he followed me all the way here. The troublesome fool couldn't even work out how to use the bloody umbrella."

"Is he still out there? Maybe we should phone the police."

"Don't bother. I think the guy might be foreign or something, because I doubt he could understand most of what I said."

"As long as he's gone before Ino gets back." Just five minutes after they'd settled back in front of the TV, Ino came rushing into the room carrying heavy shopping bags and looking worried.

"There's a man on the doorstep! He was really creepy looking. Oh god, I was so scared he was going to jump on me." Choji rushed over and helped her into a chair.

"I'm guessing that's your stalker Shika?"

"His stalker?"

"He followed me home. I think he's harmless."

"That really isn't normal Shikamaru, get rid of the guy!"

Shikamaru dawdled over to the window and pulled back the curtains. The boy was sitting on the doorstep with a look of absolute misery on his face. It made him feel a little guilty and he knew it was a majorly bad idea but he decided that there was something he needed to do. When he pulled open the door the boy jumped away and stared.

"Stop doing that creepy look and come in." Still more staring. It seemed this guy was a moron. "Come. In." Waving his arms around and gesturing only warranted a tilt of the head.

"So troublesome." Shikamaru leant down, lead the man through the door and slammed it shut behind him.

He stood there looking dazed for a minute while water cascaded down the long black cloak he was wearing. A puddle formed on the floor that Shikamaru knew he'd have to clean up later.

"What are you doing?! He could be an axe murderer for all we know!" Ino was practically shrieking and it was giving him a migraine. The silver haired boy gripped his arm and shrank away from the scary sounding woman.

"Oh yes. Absolutely terrifying." She made a strange sort of strangled hissing noise at him and stormed off to her room. Well that solved one problem.

"What are you going to do with him?" Choji was a much nicer person and mostly unbothered.

"For a start I'm going to stop him dripping on my floor." The boy was staring up at the ceiling with a blank look on his face. "Hey! Take your shoes off!" His head tilted.

"Oh for-" He pointed at his feet and shouted. "Shoes. Off. Now." With a jump the boy looked down and after pondering for a moment started pulling his shoes off.

_...I'm regretting this already..._

_**I had a craving for a HidaShika so here it is ^^ Hidan is pretty OOC at the moment but he will be his usual self eventually. I don't hate Ino either, I just enjoy making her this way :L It's a little weird but I hope you enjoy reading it and please review :3**_


	2. Chapter 2

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

Five minutes. He'd left him alone for five minutes. Shikamaru thought it would be ok to leave his strange little stalker in the living room while he went to find some towels to dry him up. There was no way he was going to have him dripping all over the floor if he was going to stay the night.

"Hey Shika, you might want to come down here..." Choji sounded like he was trying not to laugh. Now that was worrying.

"...What's wrong?"

"Just come and see." Choji was standing in the doorway sniggering and gesturing for him to come over. He almost dropped the towels when he saw. The silver haired boy was sitting cross legged on the sofa, completely naked. His sodden clothes were in a pile on the floor.

"Oh my god." It got a lot worse when the boy realised he was there and stood up smiling at him and looking like an excitable child. "No! Sit back down!" His face dropped and he sat down again.

"Here." Shikamaru dropped a large towel on the boys head and gathered up his clothes. "Cover yourself."

He wasn't sure how long the boy had been on the streets so he just tossed them in the washing machine and went back to make sure the guy's dick was no longer on show. There had been no movement; he'd just sat with the towel draped over his head. Obviously he'd misunderstood.

"What do you think is wrong with this guy? Do you think he might have some kind of disorder?"

"I don't know..." The guy was pretty pitiful. He'd probably escaped from some kind of institution.

"I'm gonna go see Ino." At least she wouldn't be getting in the way. Although he felt pretty awkward being around someone so odd. There was nothing wrong with not talking if you didn't want to. It was more the lack of reactions to anything that worried him.

"Err... You should really wrap that round yourself so you don't get hypothermia or anything like that. I'll go get some food." He didn't know what to get so he just grabbed a few random things and dumped it on a plate. No way in hell was he cooking anything when he was this tired.

As he came back into the room he realised that the boy had done exactly as he'd said and seemed to be looking at him with an expectant look like he was waiting for something. Until he noticed the food. The second Shikamaru was close enough he practically leaped at the plate and began cramming everything in.

"Stop that! You'll make yourself sick if you keep doing that." He hesitated a little, then resumed eating albeit a little more slowly.

_...Well this is interesting. Autistic maybe?_ There was something off about the guy but it was hard to tell what. Clearly he could understand what he was saying.

"Ok, you can sleep here on the sofa." The boy looked up at him with a hurt look on his face. He was also covered in crumbs. "I'll be in my room if you need me... G-goodnight!"

It was pretty cowardly to just run away and he hadn't specified which room was his. The guy would be fine though. He wasn't completely stupid and he'd been fed. As he went past Ino's room he could hear Choji and Ino talking. In some ways there was no point in them having separate rooms as they both slept in one or the other. But that was their business.

His room was at the front of the house and far away from the others. Not that he minded. They made so much noise sometimes it was good to have a bit of space. Despite the fact that it was only early he felt absolutely exhausted and practically collapsed into bed. Luckily he only had an afternoon lecture the next day so he could enjoy himself. It wasn't long before he'd fallen into a dreamless sleep.

-Page Break-

It was so nice to have no alarm and no Ino forcing him out of bed in the morning. There was quite strong sunlight pouring through the crack in the curtain by the time he was halfway conscious. Quite a change from the monsoon conditions of last night but he wasn't going to complain. After lying in a slightly comatose condition for a while he decided it was time to get vertical. He went to swing his legs off the bed only to find his way blocked by the naked idiot sleeping next to him. This took him by surprise so he did what anyone would do. Shrieked and leapt back. The boy's eyes snapped open and he jumped up, lost his balance, and tipped off the bed.

"What are you doing you idiot?!" It was kind of his fault the fool was naked as he'd forgotten to lend him some clothes but he was still weirded out. The boy looked up with a hurt expression on his face. "You don't just get into someone's bed without asking!"

At least he had the decency to look partly ashamed. The nudity was increasing the awkwardness though. Grumbling a little, Shikamaru marched to the drawer on the other side of the room and pulled out a pair of boxers. He threw them at the other's face.

"Wear those so I can least look at you while I'm talking." _Why the hell did I let him in anyway? It was a majorly bad idea. _When he was partway clothed, he decided he would have to really work out what to do. There was no way the man could stay here and he had no idea where he came from.

"Right you, do you have a name?" A blank stare yet again. "You do know what I'm saying so don't play stupid. What are you called?" The boy looked thoughtful. He had to be patient with him but when he was this tired it was hard to deal with anyone.

"...Nnn..." It wasn't exactly speech but it was more than he'd had so far.

"Sorry I didn't get that." He looked nervous so Shikamaru decided to try sounding less angry. "You don't have to be scared, I'm not angry or anything like that."

"...Hidan." His voice sounded a little rusty from lack of use.

"Hidan?" He nodded. "Is that your name?" Another nod. "Well nice to meet you I guess... I'm Shikamaru." Hidan smiled.

It would be a little harsh to kick him out when he'd just woken up so he thought he'd at least make the guy breakfast first. He left the room and Hidan quickly followed. There wasn't much left in the kitchen and he knew he'd have to go shopping later but he had a little bacon and some eggs so that would do.

After they'd finished eating Shikamaru felt he should sort this problem out sooner rather than later. Hidan must've come from somewhere and he must have some kind of family or friends. He'd possibly had some kind of head trauma and didn't know where he was supposed to go.

"Hidan?" The boy's head snapped up. "I have to ask, why were you out in the rain last night? And why did you follow me?" Shikamaru wasn't surprised when there was no reply. However the boy looked away and refused to meet his eyes.

"Look I let you stay last night because of the weather but you're going to have to leave, and I'd feel a lot better about kicking you out if I knew you had somewhere else to go." This was what finally got a response.

"No." It was a little faint but there was a lot of force behind that word.

"What was that?"

"No. No, no, no!" Hidan was practically shouting it now looking absolutely miserable. It was quite scary and he wanted to run away but Shikamaru knew that might just make things worse. Besides he didn't want to get the other two involved.

"No to what? Just tell me." The silver haired boy moved closer and sat on the floor by his feet. It was almost like he was begging. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." _So troublesome... Why did this have to happen to me?_

"Don't throw me away." That was an interesting thing to say.

"Throw you away? What are you talking about?" He gripped Shikamaru's arm.

"I want to stay."

"Stay? You mean stay here? I can't let you stay here, I share this house with other people and it's only a rental! Besides-"

"Please." Those violet eyes were staring right at him, pleading. Although he knew the best thing to do would be to kick him out right now or call the police he just knew he was going to cave.

"I'm probably going to regret this but alright. But only until you find somewhere else, ok?" Hidan nodded and wrapped his arms around Shikamaru's shoulders practically pulling him over.

_Oh good god, what have I done? I can't take it back now. I made my bed; I'll just have to lay in it..._

-Page Break-

If Shikamaru thought just allowing the man to stay in the house with him was his only problem he was mistaken. Hidan seemed obsessed with him and followed him everywhere he went. It was lucky that the bathroom had a lock on it otherwise he wouldn't have been showering alone.

_Why does he keep following me? This is weird. _Sitting at the desk, he could feel those eyes on his back while he worked. He didn't mind the man being in his room so much but he would've preferred it if he could find something else to do other than just watching him. It wasn't like he was doing anything interesting either. He tried to ignore it but after a while it was too much.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Hidan looked confused. "Why are you staring at me?" He shrugged. That one gesture had Shikamaru grabbing the nearest book and throwing it at the annoying creature. Luckily the boy ducked and it just missed his head. "Read that and stop staring at me!"

Hidan picked up the flying object and scowled at it. He seemed a little confused and even disgusted at the thing in front of his face. Flicking through the pages didn't seem to give him any good ideas either. It seemed to be a pretty long book and those things hurt his head. At least Shikamaru knew he could escape to his lecture. With a yawn and a stretch he sat up and started packing his bag while Hidan watched intently.

"I need to go to my lecture now. Don't make a mess while I'm gone." Although he went to leave Hidan gripped his arm and gave him the kicked puppy look again. He seemed to be a master of pitiful looks.

"I need to go." Admittedly he loved to skive but it was awkward being home at the moment.

"Stay." It seemed the strange one only said the bare minimum.

"I can't." The boy looked thoughtful for a moment before walking over to the cupboard and rifling through Shikamaru's clothes. "What are you doing?" Ignoring him, Hidan started pulling on a pair of jeans and a shirt. "Wait. No! You're not coming with me."

Hidan sent him another pleading look causing yet another feeling of guilt. But he couldn't bring this man with him! No one would notice an extra person and the lecturers never really cared but it would still be weird. Sasuke would certainly want to know who this was. Knowing his friends they would all think he'd found a boyfriend and they'd start congratulating him and giving the silver haired psycho ideas.

"You won't like it! You'll be really bored." Hidan had a determined look on his face. It was clear that the boy would be coming no matter what he did. "Fine. But if you cause any trouble I swear I will tie you to a tree and leave you there."

_**I've really been in a writing mood recently so I'm writing more than usual. Hidan seems very weird and quiet atm, but he'll be a little more Hidan-like from next chapter :3 Thanks for reading and please review. **_


	3. Chapter 3

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

When they arrived Shikamaru could see a mass of people standing outside the lecture theatre. Most of them he didn't know so he could expect no comment from them but he could he see Sasuke and Kiba talking by the doors. This made a change. Usually Kiba was half dead until the early evening so the fact he was up before three was impressive. Although this also meant that he would have to explain Hidan to one of the most annoying people he knew.

_Better now than later... _It wasn't like there was much to explain anyway. He'd simply acquired a stalker... Ok that was really weird. Hidan was a little bemused at being around so many people and was watching everyone with wary interest. He was also walking closer to Shikamaru than was necessary and creeping him out.

"Hi guys!" Ok that sounded way more eager than he usually was. And you could tell both of them noticed from the way they both stared. Then they noticed Hidan almost touching him and eyebrows were raised.

"Err Hi Shika." Sasuke was being at least partly polite, which was more than could be said for Kiba.

"Who the hell's this? Have you found yourself a boyfriend?" The guy was even snickering and it was hard not to punch him. That required effort though and effort was what other people did.

"No he's not my boyfriend you troublesome fool; he's just... staying with me for a while."

"Staying with you?" Sasuke was too smart not to notice.

"It's kind of complicated. I'll explain later when it's just us." There was no way he was discussing things in public.

"Ah well nice to meet ya' man, I'm Kiba." Kiba walked over and held his hand out grinning. Hidan just stared. "Hey! Don't ignore me!"

"He's not ignoring you he just doesn't talk much. His name's Hidan."

"Okay... This is kind of weird... Anyway I'm Kiba and the guy with the stuck up expression and the hair like a bird's ass is Sasuke."

"Don't make me set Gaara on you again you asshole." One thing you never do is piss off an Uchiha. Particularly one known to keep a sword in his room.

As expected Hidan looked mostly bored in the lecture theatre. It was on microbes so unlikely to be majorly interesting at the best of times. Shikamaru could feel his eyelids growing heavy and wanted desperately to fall asleep as per usual but if he did he wouldn't be able to watch the fool so he had to force himself to concentrate.

Luckily there was some small entertainment in the form of his bickering friends. Sasuke was trying to concentrate and write down perfectly neat and well ordered notes. Kiba, being an asshole, had sat behind him and kept nudging his friend's arm with his foot causing him to scribble on the page. This led to the Uchiha grabbing any object he could find and flinging it hard. Their lecturer was a short sighted and droning old man who never noticed anything. The only time anyone paid attention was when he got a little overexcited with his hand gestures and hit the microphone causing a loud banging noise that caused every sleepy student to practically shit themselves.

Shikamaru was distracted from his entertainment by Hidan's head resting on his shoulder. Clearly this lecture was too boring and the boy was sick of it. Not that he blamed him. The fight between the other two was gradually escalating as Kiba started hitting harder and harder, while Sasuke began throwing larger objects. Eventually the Uchiha decided to end it once and for all by grabbing the biggest textbook he had in his bag, standing up, and smacking Kiba on the head with it.

"What the fuck?! That really fucking hurt!" Everyone started sniggering.

"You got was coming to you moron." By now their lecturer had noticed and despite telling everyone to calm down, was still being greatly ignored by the majority.

"I'll have you for that!" Kiba then practically dove off the chair and onto Sasuke where they began grappling each other on the floor. The whole room was now roaring with laughter and Shikamaru had to push off the sleeping fool and move to avoid being kicked.

Hidan soon woke up when he noticed that his arm rest had moved. When he noticed the pair grappling on the floor he decided to shift ass before he got caught up in it. Until Kiba's foot swung out and kicked him in the shin. That simply would not do. He reached down and lifted up the kicking brunette by his collar and pulled him up to eye level. Then all hell broke loose.

"YOU FUCKING SACK OF SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?! TOUCH ME AGAIN AND I SWEAR I WILL GET A FUCKING KNIFE AND CUT YOU A NEW ASSHOLE, YOU USELESS CUNT!"

The room was absolutely silent and most people in the room were gaping at the sheer amount of rage. Having finished his little rant Hidan calmly put the boy down, walked over to Shikamaru and started dragging him out the room.

_Holy hell. Where did that come from? _Once they were a decent distance from the building they came to a standstill, waiting for a few minutes until Sasuke and Kiba caught up. Although maybe having Kiba here would be a bad idea...

"Go over there a minute please Hidan." He looked a little put out but did as he was told and walked away. At least he could sort this out without worrying that would happen again.

"I thought you said he didn't talk much! What the fuck was that?!" It was understandable he'd be pissed off. Hidan was watching them from a few metres away but seemed unbothered about what they were saying.

"I've never heard him say more than a simple sentence."

"He doesn't seem quite stable either. What is going on with this guy?"

"I don't know..."

"You don't know?!" Kiba was shouting now causing a few of the people from their lectures to come over to watch round two.

"I think we should continue this somewhere else..." Sasuke nodded and started leading Kiba away.

"Calm down dog boy, we'll sort this out when we get home."

"We better or I swear I will kill you."

-Page Break-

When they got to the house, Sasuke marched them into the lounge and stared at Hidan whilst pointing at the sofa.

"Sit." The silver haired boy looked unimpressed. "Sit. Down. Now." A normal person would've sat by now looking terrified for their life and shielding their balls. Not Hidan. He simply continued to stare at Sasuke as if he was simply a minor annoyance.

"Just sit down Hidan." Shikamaru was tired and just wanted to get this done as soon as possible. He was regretting ever helping the troublesome fool. The second he had said anything Hidan instantly brightened and sat down. Clearly he was the only person the boy would listen to. "Wait here." It'd be easier to talk about him if he wasn't around.

Once they were safely in Sasuke's room and they knew Hidan wouldn't be able to hear them, Kiba started up.

"Ok Shika, where did you find this guy and what the hell is wrong with him?"

"I wish I knew what was wrong with him..."

"But where did he come from?" Both of them looked worried.

"He kind of followed me home." As expected this was met with outrage.

"Followed you home?! He's not a dog! That is a human being who from the look of things is an absolute psychopath!"

"For once I'd say Kiba makes a good point."

"I know it's crazy. I felt bad for the guy though. He was on our doorstep in the rain so I let him stay one night, then when I tried to throw him out this morning he begged me not to 'throw him away'."

"Throw him away? That's a pretty odd thing to say."

"I know, and that's why I was so worried about the guy."

"I bet he's escaped from a mental hospital. He probably killed a man... with a spoon." Both Sasuke and Shikamaru gave him the 'Kiba's-being-a-moron' look. "Ok I kid, but seriously you should probably get rid of the guy." Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Naruto and Gaara who stormed into the room.

"Hey Shika!" Naruto gave him one of his wide grins before going to greet his boyfriend.

"Why is there a crazy looking guy sitting in our living room?"

"You've met Shika's new psychotic pet then?"

"I didn't know you were into that kind of thing..."

"You're wrong idiot." Sasuke tapped his foolish plaything on the head. "He followed Shikamaru home so Shika felt bad and let him stay the night."

"And he basically screeched in my face in our last lecture."

"That's pretty weird. Surely that kind of thing is too troublesome for you?"

"...That's the only thing you find weird?" Sometimes it was hard not to worry about Naruto.

"Have you tried talking to the guy?"

"I asked him a few things but he didn't say anything useful."

"Well you're going to have to be tougher with him."

"I suppose."

"Do you want any help?" Gaara was a good friend despite his angry looks.

"It might be better if I do it myself. And I really am sorry about what happened Kiba..."

"It's ok man; it's not your fault the guy's nuts."

"Stay in our lounge while you're talking though. If he gives you any trouble we'll come down." Shikamaru nodded and left all the others in the safety of the bedroom while he went to confront the possible madman... What could possibly go wrong?

-Page Break-

Hidan was feeling miserable. Despite his best efforts to hold back any rage, he'd ended up losing his temper and exploding at that guy. Shikamaru seemed upset and a fear of his was that he'd be forced back to the streets just like with-.

No. No thinking about him. Only bad things came from thinking about him. But if he could get this boy to want him and to let him stay then everything would be ok again. It wasn't long before Shikamaru came back.

"We need to talk." That didn't sound good. He looked annoyed too. Hidan just nodded and hoped this wouldn't be too bad.

"I know you want to stay with me and that's fine, but you're going to have to tell me a little more. If you've done something wrong I can't have you stay here." This caused him to start panicking. He hadn't done anything wrong but no one usually believed him.

"You don't have to say much. Just tell me one thing; have you done anything illegal?"

"No." This wasn't exactly a lie. He'd never done anything he hadn't been told to do.

"Ok. And where did you live before?" This was what he'd been dreading. It was the thing that he never wanted to talk about. But if it caused this man to trust him he would do it.

"...With K-Kakuzu..." Saying that name made him feel a bit sick.

"Kakuzu?" Shikamaru had never heard of anyone with that name. "Was he a relative? A friend?"

"No..." This guy wouldn't understand. No one did. Especially that bitch... he didn't want to think about her though.

"...Your boyfriend?" An abusive ex lover would explain why he was so reluctant to talk about it. But at the same time this guy didn't seem the type to accept being beaten, and he had no injuries of any kind. It could've happened though.

"No..."

"Who was he then?" He was running out of ideas.

"He was my-" Hidan was interrupted when Naruto came stumbling in like the fool that he was.

"Hey guys! I'm making pizza, want any?"

"No thanks Naruto. I think we'll be leaving actually."

_This idiot had no sense of timing. _He'd been so close! And from the look of him, Hidan wouldn't be trying to say anything else anytime soon.

After saying his goodbyes and reassuring everyone that things were ok, they began walking home. There was an awkward silence.

"Hidan? I'm not going to make you talk about it if you don't want to, but I have to ask why don't you talk?"

"...Kakuzu said my voice was annoying..."

"Oh... I'm sorry." This Kakuzu person had clearly been someone intimidating if the guy completely avoided talking even when he wasn't around. "If I'm honest it's pretty difficult to talk to a guy who barely says anything so would you mind talking a bit more?" Hidan gave him a wide grin at this.

"Ok~."

-Page Break-

It had been done now and it could never be undone. Never had he regretted something so much in his whole life as he'd regretted this. However he had learnt something pretty major today. Once Hidan started talking he would never stop.

"What the fuck is that?" Oh yes. The swearing. How could he forget the continuous swearing?

"It's a bike."

"I've never seen one of those! It's so fucking weird looking. Wouldn't it crush your-"

"Come on, we have to get home." The boy barely knew anything and was curious about everything he saw. It was like he'd lived in a box all his life.

"Ok." At least he seemed a lot happier. Even if he seemed incapable of filtering anything he said now he'd started talking more.

Choji was busy cooking when they got back, whilst Ino was relaxing on the sofa with her friends Sakura and Hinata.

"I'm making dinner for all the girls so I've stuck something in for you guys too."

"Thanks Choji I owe you one." Choji was most definitely his favourite person right now. Although he was still giving Hidan uncertain looks. It was clear he didn't trust him yet.

"What you want fat fuck?" _Oh my god. He didn't. _Choji's face had turned bright red and he could see his fists clenching.

"What did you just say?" If there was one thing that would rile the normally quite docile Choji it was the F word. Shikamaru started frantically gesturing at Hidan in the hope that he'd soon shut up. Obvious gestures seemed to be a little beyond him.

"I said." The boy cleared his throat to add emphasis. "What. You. Looking. At. You. Fat. Fucker?" With each word he leant in a little closer until he was right in Choji's face. It wasn't going to end well.

Hidan soon learned the error of his ways when Choji's fist slammed into his face at high speeds, knocking him to the ground.

"What the fuck?! That hurt asshole!" He even had the gall to complain.

"I'm so sorry Choji, I'll get him out of here." And before he was able to make the situation worse, Shikamaru grabbed his arm and dragged him up the stairs.

"Why did you do that? Are you an idiot?!" This was giving him such a massive headache. Why were people so troublesome and annoying?

"He doesn't like me." Hidan sounded hurt and irritated at this.

"Well shouting in his face is definitely not going to help."

"They keep giving me that fucking look though! The one that makes me feel like a complete pile of shit." _Well that's just wonderful. _Despite wanting to rip his head off, he also felt bad for the idiot.

"You just need to learn to control your temper. Ignore what other people are saying. And why do you have to swear so much?"

"Fucked if I know. Just do."

"Could you tone it down a little?"

"I don't know! It's too fucking hard!" He was practically whining at this point. Shikamaru could almost see why this Kakuzu person told him to shut up.

"Just try. And if you want to say something can you just think it through first? If it doesn't need to be said and it'll piss someone off don't say it."

"How the fuck am I supposed to know?"

"If you're not sure, don't say it." Shikamaru wanted to just go to bed and leave this to someone else. "Now, you go get some food, I'm gonna go to sleep for a while." He then lay on the bed and attempted to go to sleep. Hidan pulled off most of his clothes and lay down next to him. "What are you doing?!"

"You said you wanted to sleep." The fact that he looked so unbothered was adding to the weirdness.

"Only for a little while. You don't have to stay."

"Hn." Hidan then put his arm around him and huddled up to the wonderful warmth.

"Hey! Stop that!"

"Nn."

_Oh good god, why me?_


	4. Chapter 4

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

Unluckily Shikamaru had fallen asleep while still being spooned by his strange little stalker. It had been warm and very comfortable but once he woke up and remembered what was going on he had desperately tried to escape. And by desperately, he meant with as little effort required as possible. He tried wriggling slightly, easing the other's arm open, and even grabbing the headboard and trying to pull himself up. All of this was to no avail. In the end he decided the best thing to do was to jab him in the ribs with his elbow until the boy finally woke up.

"Nnnn..." Hidan groaned loudly and opened his eyes, trying to work out the source of the irritation in his ribs. His vision was a little blurry but after a few seconds he saw Shikamaru scowling at him.

"What took you so long? I've wanted to get up." He'd forgotten that he'd been holding the boy as he went to sleep. Although despite the many complaints he'd had at first it was clear the brunette had slept just as deeply as he had.

"Shorry..." Hidan loosened his grip, allowing Shikamaru to sit up and stretch out his arms. It had been just over an hour since they'd fallen asleep and he was absolutely starving.

"Choji probably finished cooking a while ago. I'm gonna go eat." His whole body felt heavy. People often told him he slept his life away, but as far as he was concerned they spent too much time rushing around and worrying about things. As he left the room Hidan followed. Yet again he was only wearing a pair of boxers. "Could you at least put some trousers on?"

"Why?" He couldn't see the reason for needing them. In his old home he often walked around naked so clothes felt really restricting to him. Shirts in particular felt pointless. But if Shikamaru insisted then he would do as he was told.

"You really need your own clothes. And not just the ones you came in either."

"But I wanna wear your shit!"

"...Surely you'd prefer to have your own things?"

"No." This man was the most infuriating person he'd ever had the misfortune of dealing with.

"Ok then." _I'll go buy some new clothes for me then give him my old things. _

Choji, being Choji, had waited until they emerged from their room before putting out the food. This left everyone else feeling starved and annoyed. Not to mention the way that Hinata and Sakura stared at Hidan's partial nakedness. Hinata was a little in awe of men so as a result she blushed and attempted to avert her eyes. Sakura was a medical student and used to nude figures, and was more interested in the finer details of his chest. Ino knew all about the guy's craziness and so attempted to ignore him, instead choosing to nag Shikamaru once again.

"Why do you have to sleep so much? We've been waiting so long to eat it's ridiculous!"

"Be quiet you troublesome woman. I've had one of those days and I can't deal with any of your crap today." Although she scowled, she wisely chose to drop it. Hidan was oddly (now that he knew him) silent for reasons that soon became clear.

"Ribs!" He practically shouted at the food, jumped at the table, and began stuffing his face as quickly as possible.

"I thought he couldn't talk?" Ino couldn't take her eyes off the man. The barbecue sauce was all over his face but he barely seemed to notice.

"He wasn't for a while."

"How'd you get him to?" Choji had already forgotten the fat fuck comment of earlier and was more interested.

"I just asked him to..."

"That's a very interesting little problem he seems to have." Sakura was watching him in the same way most people would look at a performing monkey.

"I guess... I'm having more trouble shutting him up at the moment if I'm honest."

Despite the fact that everybody was either looking at or talking about him, Hidan was too preoccupied with eating to care.

"Why was he acting like such a psycho stalker anyway?" Ino cut straight to the point as per usual.

"He had his reasons." Admittedly Shikamaru didn't know quite why the boy acted the way he had his reasons and he wasn't going to try and force it out of him.

"Anyway, Hidan these girls are Sakura and Hinata. And you've met Ino I think." He looked up for a moment to stare at the aforementioned women. His face was now dripping with sauce and pieces of rice. "At least wipe your face idiot!"

Hidan raised his eyebrow at him. He knew he sounded quite motherly and it weirded him out too but it was both troublesome and annoying. In the end he had to a grab a tissue and start wiping his face.

"'The fuck you doing?!" Clearly it was ok to sleep naked in the same bed as someone you barely know but it was weird to wipe his face for him.

"Just stay still. That or you do it yourself." There was a huffing noise but he let Shikamaru do as he wanted.

"You two would make such a cute couple." This caused him to spin around and scowl at the pink haired witch chilling on his sofa.

"We are not a couple!" Yet another problem of having this guy around. Hidan was not as bothered but he didn't like anyone irritating Shikamaru.

"Fuck you pinky!" It was nice to have some support.

"My name is Sakura."

"I don't give a fuck!"

"He really has a way with words doesn't he?"

"If you'd heard what he said to Kiba earlier, you'd know this was pretty mild."

"D-did something happen to Kiba?" Despite being shy of men, Hinata shared a flat with a boy named Shino who had been a good friend of Kiba's from an early age. Because of this Kiba was one of the few people Hinata was really close to.

"He just got shouted down in front of an entire lecture theatre. I think he'll live." _It'll probably be better if his ego is bought down a bit anyway... _Though Shikamaru thought it was better not to say this out loud. Hidan started tugging on the bottom of his shirt. "Want something?"

"I'm bored."

"Well find something to do then." He didn't really want to be around the chattering women but he was suffering from a massive Hidan overdose at the moment and he needed a break.

The silver haired boy was even more bored and depressed at being ignored. Not to mention the fact that he disliked the females in the room. They all reminded him of the bitch. All he could do was sit on the floor and listen to people talking over his head about people he didn't know.

It was only so long before he'd had enough of boredom and decided to venture off and find something to do. Only Shikamaru was paying enough attention to notice him leaving but was reluctant to follow him. The boy gladly stuck to him everywhere he went so he thought he should give him some space.

"Sooo Shika..." _Uh oh. _Every fibre of his being was screaming at him to run. Especially when he saw the face Ino was pulling. "Could you do me a favour?"

"If this is another one of your 'woman errands' I'm not going to do it."

"Woman errands?" Sakura looked confused. "You're really that bothered about people seeing you buying tampons?"

"If it was only tampons I could deal with it. It's the gay porn from that dodgy shop on the corner I'm not that keen on."

"_You_ bought that? Wow thanks Shika, we really enjoyed that one."

"You had a group session?"

"We were having a slow night. Anyway that wasn't what I had in mind."

"Ok then you troublesome woman let's hear it."

"It's mainly Hinata's problem." The purple haired girl flushed and started twiddling her thumbs madly. It was one of her many nervous habits.

"M-maybe we should just l-leave it."

"I don't mind helping if it's not too difficult." Hinata was one of the nicer girls he knew so he couldn't be too harsh to her. Not like the rest of the evil banshee's surrounding him.

"She's having a bit of trouble with her cousin."

"Neji?"

"He's being a little... over the top recently."

"He's always been like that. It's Neji." Choji had somehow acquired a packet of crisps and was happily snacking in the corner. It was like Kiba's tutus. Where he got them, no one knew...

"What am I supposed to do about it?"

"We were hoping you could find out what's wrong. Invite him round maybe?"

"I rarely talk to Neji! Naruto knows him best, why can't he do it?"

"You know that idiot has no tact. You're a smart guy; you can manipulate things out of him." Sakura made a good point.

"I can see what you mean but I still don't like it."

"P-please Shikamaru." Hinata finally decided to speak up. The pleading look she gave him was enough to make anyone bend and so he knew he'd have no choice now.

"Ok I'll do it, but only if Choji stays too."

"Sure. As long as we get a takeaway."

"Of course. When should we invite him round anyway?"

"Is Saturday good?"

"Ok... I guess I'll ring him then."

"No need, I've already invited him!" Ino's peppy smile just added to his irritation.

"So you asked him before you'd bothered to tell me?!"

"You'd never let us down Shika."

"Ugh." It seemed that all the people round him were manipulative bastards. "How exactly am I supposed to get things out of him anyway? He's not the most talkative of people."

"That's easy." Ino reached into her bag and pulled out a bottle of cider. "Just one or two bottles of alcohol and he passes out, so just slip him a little alcohol in his drink and he'll tell you anything you want to know."

"...You've really thought this through, haven't you? Won't he notice if I spike his drink?"

"Possibly. Which is why you may have to somehow persuade him to join you."

"This is completely ridiculous."

"I know you can do it though Shika. Who else could?"

"You make a good point..." There were so many ways this could go wrong, but having to deal with these women if he refused far outweighed anything Neji could do. "I'll try but don't expect anything major."

"T-thank you..." Hinata at least looked grateful. The other two were probably just doing it for their own amusement.

"Hey Shika?" Choji came and sat next to him. "Where's your weird friend?"

"Err..." _Crap I forgot about him! _"I'm not too sure."

"You're letting that weirdo roam the house alone?! He could be doing anything! He could be in my room!"

"I highly doubt he'd make a special effort to go to your room you troublesome woman. I'll go find him." Knowing how unstable the guy could be wasn't making him feel better about venturing out alone. Plus the longue was one of the warmest rooms on the house and leaving it felt like entering into sub zero temperatures. He felt even worse when he found that Hidan was in Ino's room. Looking at one of her porno's to be precise...

"What are you doing?! Get out of there!" It was hard not to shout but if he did then he would get another earful and he wasn't in the mood.

"Why?" The fact that he genuinely saw no problem in invading someone's room annoyed Shikamaru.

"Because Ino will be really pissed if she sees you in here. She already doesn't like having you here and this will make things worse!"

"Well fuck her! She's a bitch!" You couldn't argue that she could be at times. Still, this was her house too.

"You can't stay here if you're going to cause problems." Of course that made him move. Shikamaru regretted saying it instantly.

"There I'm out! You won't throw me away now, right?" The pleading look and the strange helplessness worried him.

"Yeah of course..." _It was a cruel thing to say though. _"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it." The boy looked confused. He seemed to be expecting some kind of punishment. "I... I got a bit carried away but I won't say anything else like that, ok?"

"Like what?"

"I'm not going to throw you out when you have nowhere else to-" It was hard to talk when you were being squished to death.

"Thank you so fucking much!" Hidan sounded so happy he couldn't bear to tell him to get off. But when he started sputtering even this idiot noticed. "Hey. You ok? You're turning blue."

"Your grip... too tight..."

"Ah shit! Sorry."

"No problem." Although the fact that at least one of his ribs had been cracked made it hard for him to look completely unbothered. At least Hidan looked happier. Although the fact that he had started up his psychotic staring again was going to be a bit of a problem. "Can you stop that?"

"Stop what?"

"Staring like that. It's starting to weird me out..."

"You mean like this?" Hidan leant closer and stared right into his face. Now that was just taking the piss.

"Knock it off."

"Why?"

"Because I will set Ino on you if you don't."

"... Keep that stupid bitch away from me."

"I thought so."


	5. Chapter 5

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

It had only been three days and already Shikamaru was used to waking up to sharing his bed with a half naked man spooning him. Or perhaps he'd resigned himself to his fate and accepted that for the time being there would be no way of getting rid of him. Although Ino was leaving him alone a lot more since she was uncomfortable around the little stalker so there was one bonus. Being stuck in a death grip when you were desperate for a piss in the early morning wasn't so good...

"Hidan? Hidan... Hidan!" No movement. Not even a twitch. It was like the man had died in his sleep. That wouldn't be so good... _This is not something I want to deal with every morning. _"Hey! Wake up!" Slapping someone on the head with the corner of a book was not the nicest thing to do but it was getting serious.

Hidan woke up with a start and once again fell off the bed. Another seemingly common occurrence. The fool might have hurt himself but Shikamaru was too busy dashing for the bathroom to care. He had also probably missed his first lecture without the Ino alarm clock but that wasn't too major. Surely Sasuke would cover for him anyway.

When he heard his phone start to ring he dashed back to his room at full speed to try and grab it. You couldn't expect the idiot to do anything. It had somehow managed to get into one of his shoes but he wasn't exactly the most organised so he didn't mind too much.

"Yeah?" Well he'd only just got up; he wasn't going to be the most sociable.

"Thank god you're still alive."

"Err... Thanks Kiba, I really appreciate your concern." It made you feel pretty good to know your friends cared.

"We thought that guy may have killed you in your sleep and that's why you didn't show up."

"I rarely ever show up anyway. And you really think I'd let someone kill me in my sleep?"

"Well you're pretty easy to sneak up on."

"...The fact that you've considered this worries me. Anyway is that all you wanted?"

"Actually I was gonna ask if you wanted some donuts."

"Donuts?!" Now that was random, even for Kiba.

"Look outside!" _...That little- _He pulled back the curtains to see Kiba standing outside waving and grinning with an amused looking Sasuke and Gaara standing next to him. _...How I didn't hear someone so loud I will never know. _He put the phone down on the laughing and looked over at Hidan who was, for some reason only known to him, playing with Shikamaru's boxers. "...Please put those down. And get some kind of clothing on, my friends are here. "

Shikamaru left the room before he had time to reply. The awkwardness hadn't completely gone away obviously, but he wasn't as worried about being stabbed in his sleep as he had been.

"Why the hell couldn't you just have knocked on the door? And why do you have donuts?"

"Because the look on your face was worth it. And because these are the best fucking donuts in existence and I felt they should be shared like the awesome buddy that I am." It was entirely deserved when Shikamaru slammed the door shut on him. Although being an ass, Kiba had stuck his foot into the door to stop it. "Ah, fuck!"

"What's wrong with you?" Sasuke voiced what everyone else was thinking about.

"They always do it in the movies, I thought it would work!"

"You're a moron." But he did at least pity him enough to let them in. "And Kiba if you break anything I will kill you."

Why he had to be surrounded by so many difficult and weird people was something he just couldn't work out. Not to mention the fact that almost everyone seemed to be trying to steal things from him. Like the way that Kiba was 'subtly' attempting to steal his notes folder.

"What are you doing? I don't what you're trying to find but there's nothing interesting in there."

"I need to borrow a few things and the others won't help me."

"I don't see the point in stealing mine when I go to less lectures than you do. And rarely take notes."

"...Fuck. I didn't think of that. Screw it, they'll do."

"For what?"

"I asked Hinata to meet up with me to 'study'."

"You're obviously not keen on studying so why bother?" Sasuke had been through this with him several times before. Gaara just couldn't be bothered with conversation and had settled down happily on the sofa and began flicking through the TV channels.

"It gives me an excuse to spend time with her!"

"You could just ask her on a date instead of making an ass of yourself."

"...Just screw you guys. And I'm gonna steal this anyway."

"Whatever." Kiba had been lusting over the young Hyuuga ever since he'd first met her and it was frustrating sometimes to watch. Why he was so persistent at putting things off and just making flimsy excuses to meet her rather than just tell her was foolish. And speaking of fools, he hadn't heard anything from upstairs in a while.

_Where's Hidan? Maybe he's uncomfortable with Kiba again? Quite likely... _

-Page Break-

Hidan was slumped on the bed. It seemed that he was always feeling at least a little depressed nowadays. Shikamaru had seemed to accept that he didn't want to talk about anything but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop thinking about things. Anytime he was left on his own it would set off. He was starting to feel so pathetic and needy. Thinking back he'd always been this way. It was only now he'd been pushed away he was desperately clinging to anything he could get close to.

It wasn't that he's gotten particularly attached to Shikamaru, it was that the boy had been the first person to notice him in a long time and the only person to really show him kindness. And he'd needed it all so badly he'd stuck to him.

This feeling of being some kind of parasite was what kept bringing him down. Yet he did like being this way... Not that he'd ever admit it to anybody else. Especially the one he could hear walking down the hallway.

"Hi..." Shikamaru was always a little off around him. A fact that hadn't gone unnoticed by Hidan. He'd never blame him for it though. He knew that he was a difficult person. "Are you... feeling ok?"

"Yeah..."

"Because if something's bothering you, I'll try and help." Even though he had no clue what he could do to help, he was willing to try.

"..." Hidan wanted one thing in particular but he didn't know how to ask. "Could you... hold me?" Yes that did sound very weird. You could tell from the boy's facial expression.

"Hold you?"

"Yes." Well there was no way he was going to try and explain this. Even he wasn't sure why he wanted it, he was just desperate for human contact.

"Err... That's a little bit..." Shikamaru started thinking about how to gently tell the boy that there was no way he was doing that. The look on his face stopped that. He looked so lonely. "Ok I'll do it... only for a little while though..." Any longer and his friends might come up and see.

Hidan buried his face into his chest and gently gripped him round the middle. He'd hugged girls like this before, but never another guy and Shikamaru felt quite bemused. At least it seemed to make the man feel better.

_It's like I have a pet or a small child... _Despite the fact that he was probably older than Shikamaru he seemed so childlike. It yet again raised the question, why was this? And how did it happen?

"I need to get back downstairs. Will you be ok?" And he had to start getting ready for Neji's visit. It just wasn't going to end well.

-Page Break-

"Hey Shika, I just heard from Neji and he said he's bringing Lee along too."

"Lee?!" Well that was just super. This was awkward enough so why not bring the crazy teacher Gai's nephew along. Not that he wasn't a nice guy. He was just too enthusiastic sometimes and it drove him up the wall. In this kind of situation though perhaps he could be useful.

"At least we're not completely alone with Neji?" Choji was at least optimistic. "Plus we have your stalker friend."

"Yeah..." He wasn't sure Hidan would come down though. The guy had barely left the room all day and he was feeling a little worried. It was obvious this boy had been abused in some way and he knew he needed some kind of mental help. You couldn't force someone to look for help though and he couldn't make him go anywhere else.

_It's a shame I have absolutely no clue on what to do here...Maybe I could ask Neji? That could be an idea... _If he made it sound like he was asking for advice it may be easier to get things out of him. The knock on the door showed him that they were finally here. As usual Lee was pleased to see everyone.

"Shikamaru! I haven't seen you in so long!" He did wish that the guy hadn't decided to slap his shoulder like that. Lee really didn't know his own strength.

"Thanks for inviting us." And here was the man of the evening. Neji and Hinata looked very similar and many people mistook them for fraternal twins despite the fact that they were cousins. They were also quite close to each other as they'd been raised together which had led to Neji being oddly over protective of her.

"We've got food and drink in the lounge." If he could get them full and slightly tipsy it would be start. And as Lee was equally as susceptible to alcohol, the entertainment value would be good. It was only after twenty minutes of awkward sitting and staring into space he decided to attempt a conversation. "So... I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

"Me?" Neji raised his eyebrow. "About what?" Choji subtly started up talking with Lee.

"Well... I've actually got a guy staying here and there's a bit of a problem with him."

"A guy? Who is this?"

"His names Hidan and I found him on the street."

"The street?" Even the other two were paying attention now. "You just randomly bought a homeless person home?!"

"Well technically he followed me, but that's not the point..."

"You shouldn't let just anyone in Shika! He could be a homicidal maniac for all you know!"

"Is he still here?" Lee was also interested.

"Yeah, he's upstairs."

"Perhaps we should bring him down here?"

"No! I'd rather tell you guys all I know first. He's been depressed all day and I doubt he'll come down anyway."

"What's going on then?"

"Well as you know I found him in the street and as he followed me home and it was raining I let him stay. The next day I tried to get him to leave and he begged me not to 'throw him away'-"

"Throw him away? That's a very odd thing to say."

"Indeed. Anyway he wouldn't speak for a long time until Kiba really wound him up and he screamed at him in the middle of a lecture..."

"That was your friend?!"

"Ooo we heard about that! Everyone though it was hilarious." Lee grinned.

"It was pretty funny... Anyway I later got him to admit that he'd lived with the guy called Kakuzu. He said he wasn't family or a boyfriend or anything like that, but I'm worried he might've been abused. The guy is quite needy and he seems to be afraid of any kind of negative reaction to anything."

"That does sound likely... He sounds like he needs some serious help."

"He does, but I can't just send him to somewhere random and I don't think I can keep him here forever."

"Perhaps we can talk to him! We shall bring him out of his shell with the power of youth!" It seemed their 'youthful' friend was a little too optimistic.

"I kind of agree with you but you can't just bound in and drag him off with you. I think the best thing you can do is give him time and he'll talk on his own." Neji smiled at him.

"You're right there. Thanks Neji." It was nice to have someone to rely on. "Soo... do you want anything to drink?"

"Drink? Err..." He was always wary about alcohol due to the number of times they'd stripped him and put him in Ino's bras.

"I think we should invite your friend down!"

"That would be a good idea!" Neji was glad to avoid making a decision.

"Well I guess that's ok... You come with me Lee." Lee was unlikely to be put off by anything so could probably drag the boy down. All he had to do was leave it to Choji to attempt to get something out of him.

Lee was eagerly bounding up the stairs in front of him and he had to admit he was worried about Hidan's reaction. He wasn't going to enjoy being disturbed by this lunatic. But he was a coward at heart and he wasn't going alone.

"Hidan?" He peered round the door. Hidan was sitting on the bed staring at him. Not doing anything else. It was like he'd been doing that the whole time. "Is something wrong?"

"No."

"Ok... Well do you want to come downstairs? I have a couple of friends round."

"Friends?" His voice sounded quite dismayed at this. That was another oddity to add to the list. Just as he was going to give up and leave, Lee decided to bound in.

"Greetings Hidan, it is good to meet you! I am Lee." He grabbed Hidan's hand and started shaking it. The boy looked like he was in shock and Shikamaru stifled a laugh. "Come join us!" With a small amount of resistance he was tugged up and dragged out the room, sending pleading looks at Shikamaru. There was nothing to do though as once Lee decided on something that was that.

_I almost feel sorry for the guy. I suppose he'll live... _


	6. Chapter 6

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

_Make him stop. Please make him stop! _Shikamaru could practically hear Hidan shrieking it at him as he looked over. The boy had tried to wrench his arm out of the vice like grip but Lee just thought he was being shy rather than wanting to bash his head in and carried on walking.

"Hey Neji! This is Hidan!" And there he was being propelled forward until Lee let go and he crashed into the floor. It was definitely not his day. Neji looked guilty about his moronic friend and at least tried to scold him.

"Lee you idiot! You don't just throw people on the floor like that!"

"Oops. Sorry about that Hidan!" And now he was dragged up again and having his hand shook wildly. He really wished he had some kind of knife or even a large stick. Anything to beat this crazily happy person off. When his hand was released he backed away to the corner of the room and sat in the furthest chair possible in the hope that Mr Bowl Cut would stay away. "Why are you sitting all the way over there? How can we become friends like this?" _Oh shit. _

The man started approaching him and he knew that serious measures would have to be taken. Shikamaru saw the explosion was imminent and wisely kept his distance.

"Hidan?"

"Get the fuck away from me before I take my foot and stick it up your fucking ass!" Not as loud as with Kiba but equally as furious.

"That's not a nice thing to say." Lee was either incredibly brave or (more likely) incredibly stupid.

"Are you fucking retarded? Come any closer and I'll rip those stupid eyebrows off your face!"

"You wouldn't do that, we're all fr-." Hidan chose to do a mixture of the two and slammed his foot into Lee's forehead. It was lucky he was a moron with a thick skull or serious damage would've been done. "Why'd you do that?"

"For god's sake Lee, leave the guy alone." Neji pulled him up and started examining his head. "You're definitely going to get a bruise there now."

"Sorry about that..." Shikamaru felt he should at least apologise as he knew the other boy most definitely wouldn't.

"No need, it was this idiot's fault for bothering people." You couldn't argue with that. The only problem was that if Neji and Lee left now, they would never find out what his problem with Hinata was. There was only one thing for it.

"No really I'm sorry. And to make up for it we'll treat you guys to a takeaway and you can have a few beers."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea..." _Uh oh. He looks wary._

"Really I insist." Luckily their other friend didn't have such qualms.

"We'd love to stay! It'll be fun!" And if Lee got drunk, their entertainment for the night would be sorted. Hidan was sending obvious 'are you out of your mind?' looks at him but it needed to be done. Otherwise those troublesome women would never shut up and he'd have to deal with them moaning at him all the time.

-Page Break-

It wasn't until after dinner that they started on the beers. Both Lee and Neji had a very low tolerance for alcohol so it wouldn't take long for this to work. Hidan was in a mood with him about making those two stay and had scowled about it all evening. He was worried about what kind of revenge there could be but he knew he'd have to deal with that when it came.

"_Hey Shika?" _Choji was gesturing slightly towards Neji who was already getting that glazed over look in his eyes. He nodded at his friend. It was time to start up the attack.

"So how's Hinata?" He started off casually. The last thing they wanted to do was make him wary.

"Hinata? She's fine I suppose. Why?" Any talk of his cousin tended to set him on edge.

"We just don't see her that much anymore."

"Well she has been busy with her studies." If he thought that was the end of it, he had another think coming. He signalled to Choji. It was time to bring out the big guns.

"That and with Kiba." Neji instantly fixed his glance onto Choji.

"What's that supposed to mean?" They did feel bad dropping their friend in it like this but the dog lover was quite resilient and would hopefully live.

"He's been inviting her to 'study sessions' in the hope of getting in her pants." Definitely a lie as despite his loud mouth, Kiba would never try and force himself onto a girl like that.

"What?! How dare he try these things with Hinata!"

"She is a free woman. And maybe she likes him?" Shikamaru couldn't be sure but it was possible as she did seem to like him more than most other men.

"But- She can't just- It's wrong!" _Well that makes perfect sense. _

"What is the problem?" Being blunt seemed to be the way to go.

"It's not as if you like her." Choji it seemed was a genius. Neji turned bright red.

"I- That's- I, um..." The boy was getting flustered. Now they were getting suspicious. Another nudge and perhaps he'd crack.

"Of course he likes her!" Or they could just let Lee tell them. "He's had a crush on her since they were children!"

"Lee! Shut up!" But it was too late now.

"Well that explains why you practically kill anyone who goes near her."

"And text her all the time."

"And cook her dinner once a week."

"Enough! Yes I like my cousin! But what am I supposed to do about it?"

"Tell her maybe?" _These people are so difficult to deal with. _

"We're cousins!"

"It's not like it's illegal. Err, it is legal isn't it?" Choji looked over at Shikamaru who nodded.

"But our family are really close so if she refused it would make things difficult."

"True that. But do you really think acting like a psychotic stalker is any better?" _Not that I can talk with that crazy person over there... _

"You have a point... But how am I supposed to tell her?"

"Figure that out yourself." As far as he was concerned he'd done his duty and that was that.

"Err Shika?" Choji looked a little worried. "I need to go walk Ino home, will you guys be ok?"

"Of course. Take your time." _I want to stay migraine-free for a little longer. _

"Cool, see you." Once Choji had left, Lee appeared to pep up.

"What are you all doing?!"

"Err..." He and Neji made eye contact. Clearly the Hyuuga had no idea what was going on either. Hidan also appeared to have vanished somewhere.

"We should be having fun!"

"We are having fun..." Sitting down most definitely counted as fun. Clearly not for Lee.

"We should be enjoying our youth!"

"How?"

"I say we do 500 press ups!"

"What?!"

"Stop doing this idiocy in other people's houses! I'm so sorry about this."

"Its fine Neji, I don't blame you for this..." _I just blame you for bringing this into my house. And how should I escape? _The boy wouldn't let doors stop him from getting to his friends and he wasn't going through the effort of leaving his house.

"Join me everyone!" The speed at which he was going was scary. It was tiring just watching him. While Neji attempted to reason with him, Shikamaru slowly backed out the door and into the hall where he started looking for a hiding place. A few seconds later he nearly screamed the house down when he was grabbed from behind and dragged into the cupboard.

"What the-." He soon stopped shouting when he realised who it was. "_Hidan! What the hell are you doing?!"_

"_Hidin' from the twat with the big eyebrows." _

"_...How long have you been in here?"_

"_A while."_

"_I see..." _At least it was a decent sized hiding place. And from the crack in the door he could just see the door of the lounge.

"Shikamaru!" He held his breath and tried not to move as Lee came out to the hallway and started looking round. "This is terrible! Someone's stolen Shikamaru!"

_...That jackass... _

"Err Lee. Maybe he's just-."

"No Neji! You're in denial!" Lee then ran full speed up the stairs shouting for him. The guy was so easy to fool it was almost sad. Just as Neji went to follow him, Shikamaru reached out and dragged him in with them. Hidan didn't seem too pleased at adding anyone else but no way was he leaving him out there alone.

"Shika? What are you guys doing in here?"

"_Shhh! We're hiding from Lee."_

"_Oh. Fair enough." _

-Page Break-

An hour later and they were still cramped in the cupboard. Most people would've just left or passed out by now. Not Lee. Alcohol made him so hyper it was scary.

"_Will he ever stop?"_

"_I don't know... I really don't know." _If even Neji wasn't sure then it wasn't a good sign.

"_Well I'm not staying in my cupboard all night!" _It was one of those times that he really wished he had some kind of tranquiliser gun. It could work on Naruto and Kiba too so there were many pro's.

"_...Stay here." _

"_Eh?" _Hidan said nothing else but quietly moved out of the cupboard and into the hall.

"_What is that idiot doing?" _

"_I don't know!" _He just hoped that he didn't give all of them away.

For a long time there was silence and then they heard a clanging noise in the kitchen. The rogue Lee in the bath room heard and ran down the stairs to find his friends. They saw him run past and held their breaths.

"Hidan! There you-." CLANG. The sound resounded through the house followed by a loud thud.

_Uh oh. _Shikamaru and Neji dashed in. The first thing they saw was Lee crumpled on the floor unconscious and Hidan standing over him and holding a wok.

"See? I stopped the fucker." Hidan was smiling like a child at Christmas. Neither of the other two knew what exactly to say.

"Err... I'll just grab Lee and go..." Neji picked up Lee and draped him over his shoulders. "Th-thanks for a good night!" The coward fled and left Shikamaru alone. Choji and Ino still weren't back yet which worried him even more. They'd probably got distracted by a fast food place. Choji was easily tempted by any kind of food and it made it difficult to walk down any high street.

"Was it good?" _Ah. I got distracted by Choji. _"You're happy I hit the asshole right?"

"Um..." _How do I say this? _"Well it's good that you stopped him I guess... but-." Hidan decided to ignore him and jump him instead. Of course Ino and Choji decided to finally come home at that exact moment.

"Are we interrupting anything?" Ino was clearly imagining something very different.

"Get your mind out of the gutter woman."

"Can I go get my camera?"

"No!" These troublesome fools were giving him a migraine. "And you! Upstairs. Now." Hidan simply did as he was asked. At least someone did.

It wasn't until the door was locked and the gap under the door completely covered (he'd missed this before and regretted it ever since) that he finally relaxed.

"That stupid woman..."

"Do you want me to get rid of her?"

"Eh?"

"You know, I could stab the bitch and dump her in the sea."

"...Um. I think I'm ok actually..." _Jesus Christ. _

"It's not that hard."

"You've done this before?!" _What kind of nut job have I bought into my house! _

"...No." He didn't like that long pause.

"You wouldn't... kill me would you?" _That was probably a stupid question... _

"Are you scared of me?"

"A little..." _A lot. _

"But I wouldn't hurt you, you're my new-." Hidan suddenly froze up at this.

"Your new what?"

"Err... Nothing! Just... it was a fucking mistake, I didn't say anything."

"Ok..." Well that certainly alleviated his worries. "You're not really making me feel any better with some of the things you say."

"I promise I'll never stab you. Or rape you, drug you, tie you up, beat you, or just fuck you up in general." And there was the psychotic smile.

"Well thanks for that Hidan, I really appreciate it." _I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight or any other night... _


	7. Chapter 7

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

"Shikamaru!" The shout was loud and right next to his ear causing him to jump up and grab the alarm clock next to his bed, ready to beat the person who was trying to attack him. Hidan was crouched next to the bed and watching him with amusement. "What'cha doin'?"

"...Was that you shouting at me?"

"Yep~. Pretty fucking funny, right?" The scowl he received for this comment made it clear Shikamaru wasn't best pleased.

"Were you trying to give me a heart attack?!" Some of the things this guy did creeped him out enough and he wasn't exactly helping himself. "Do that again and I will kill you."

"Kill me?" Hidan seemed eerily amused by the idea of this.

"How is that funny?"

"N-no reason!" Yet another suspicious comment. This man was clearly hiding something. "I'm fucking starved."

"Well you are an adult, make yourself some food."

"Can't you do it?" And the whining started again. In the end the only way he could shut him up was by going down to the kitchen and sticking some bacon in the frying pan. This was clearly the desired effect as Hidan grinned at him and watched eagerly. He was not as stupid as he seemed. At least the boy was the happiest he'd been since staying here. Perhaps this was the kind of thing Neji was talking about. Letting him come out of his shell would be best for him.

"I can't believe how much meat you eat." Practically all of his supplies had gone.

"I fucking love meat."

"I can see that." Especially from the way that he was practically salivating on the floor as he stared at the bacon. It had barely hit the plate when he started devouring it. Almost like a predator savaging its prey.

Ino and Choji had gone out for the day. They would be alone together for a whole day for the first time and in some ways Shikamaru wasn't sure what to do. Making effort with conversation wasn't really his kind of thing. Instead he decided to leave Hidan to it and attempt to read a book. This wouldn't work as; as soon as Hidan finished eating he wanted instant entertainment.

"Why you doing that?"

"Because I like reading. It's nice and quiet. And you can do it alone." Even the most moronic of people should be able to get the hint.

"It sounds really fucking boring." It seemed this person was denser than he thought.

"Well that's your opinion." Maybe moving to the lounge would make it more obvious. It was only two or three minutes before Hidan came in and sat next to him at an uncomfortably close distance. "Could you move up a little?"

"Why?" _This guy is such an idiot._

"Because you're too close." Instead of moving away, the boy moved closer until their heads were nearly touching. "Stop that!"

"Dun wanna."

"That's not even English." He shrugged and lay his head down on Shikamaru's lap. "Get off!"

"No." He sounded like a stubborn child now.

"What is wrong with you today?" It was never this bad, was it?

"Because."

"Act your age moron."

"...Shikamaru?"

"What?!" This book would never be read and all thoughts of a nice relaxing Sunday were going straight out the window.

"I'm bored."

"Entertain yourself then!"

"Ok." Hidan sat up and Shikamaru thought he would finally be free. Until the fool started pulling his trousers down.

"What are you doing?! Put your clothes back on!" _This troublesome idiot... I'm getting a migraine. _

"But you said to 'entertain' myself."

"How does that involve strip- oh. Don't do that! Not in front of me!" Keeping up with these antics was tiring him out.

"Why not?" The fact that he genuinely looked mystified made the urge to punch him even stronger.

"Because that is personal. If you want to do that kind of thing go to the damn bathroom."

"You're such a fucking prude." But he left the room anyway. Knowing what the man was about to do made him flush and he switched the TV on quick and turned it up. Hidan was loud with most things and he doubted this would be an exception. Maybe he was prudish but that was just how he'd always been. His father Shikaku was a bit of a pervert and it had always exasperated him so he'd tried not to end up the same way. Sadly many of his friends were perverts so he could never really avoid it completely.

Hidan was up there for a good half an hour before he returned looking rather smug and Shikamaru rolled his eyes at him and resumed reading. Perhaps he'd shut up now. After a few moments of silence the assault started up again.

"Shiiikaaaaa?"

"No."

"I haven't said anything!"

"You're probably going to annoy me or complain about something."

"Hn." There was finally silence. This lasted all of ten minutes until Hidan decided to start playing with his hair.

"Don't you have anything better to do?"

"No." Shikamaru sat there while the boy took his hair out of its usual ponytail and started plaiting it and rearranging it into different styles. The book was now completely abandoned as he accepted his fate as the annoying ones plaything. It was almost like getting a head massage and at least it kept the little psycho quiet. It was so relaxing in fact, that he ended up falling asleep.

Hidan only noticed this when the boy started to tip forwards and he had to pull him back. He looked much nicer when he wasn't scowling or nagging at him and he enjoyed watching him for a good few minutes before he decided to take advantage of the situation. Gently, so as not to wake him, he started easing his trousers off. He'd never seen Shikamaru with less than trousers on and he was curious as to what was underneath. Kakuzu had a massive dick and he really wanted to compare.

The brunette was more tanned than expected due to years of lounging in the sun but all of the time he'd spent indoors avoiding exercise stopped him from going truly brown. His skin was mostly unblemished except for one mark Hidan noticed when he turned him over slightly to see his back. There was a fairly large scar going across his lower back that had faded with age but had once been an obviously major injury. He traced the scar with his finger and wondered how the boy had got it.

This was not the main focus of his little 'mission' though and he soon resumed attempting to completely strip his new toy of all clothing. The boxers started to slide down and he could just see the start of hair when Shikamaru started to mumble. He paused a minute before resuming but it seemed his fun was about to be cut short as the younger boy opened his eyes to find himself nearly naked with Hidan's hands down his pants. Understandably he wasn't best pleased.

"Get off there! What are you doing? Are you trying to molest me?" Shikamaru was scared that if the other decided to try anything he wouldn't be strong enough to fend him off.

"Eh? I just wanted to see it." Hidan couldn't see why he was so annoyed. It wasn't liked he'd tied him up and gagged him.

"See what?"

"Your dick." The brunette forgot his fear for a minute and instead punched the moron in the face.

"You don't do that kind of thing! And what were you doing taking all my other clothes off if you only wanted to see that?!" Though this was probably a good thing as it had stopped him from having his main part exposed.

"I wasn't gonna do anything! Just wanted to look."

"Well ask next time!" It would still be no obviously.

"Can I look then?"

"No. And please pass me my clothes so I don't feel like a stripper."

"I don't give a fuck that you're nearly naked."

"It's not just that, I'm freezing." _Stupid student housing and its expensive heating. _

Hidan didn't give him his clothes but instead started taking his off. Shikamaru watched with increasing confusion and unease at this foolish man. He then let out a cry of surprise as the silver haired boy put his arms round him and pulled him into his lap.

"What are you doing? Put me down!"

"You said you were cold."

"And?"

"Aren't you supposed to share body heat or something like that?"

"This isn't the arctic."

"But it feels so fucking good." Hidan was almost purring and gripping him hard. It was warm and the boy's body fitted into his well.

"I'd really like my trousers back." Granted this was warm and comfy but he'd never been a touchy feely kind of person. That and the fact that Hidan's hand was closer to his crotch than he would ever be comfortable with.

"Five more minutes," Hidan mumbled and shifted back into the chair. There was no way for Shikamaru to get himself out as he wasn't exactly the strongest of people so the best thing to do was to put up with this until the other man got bored.

-Page Break-

It was quiet. Too quiet. After all the madness from earlier he'd been expecting more continuous noise and more being bothered. Instead there was nothing. Shikamaru had a quick glance at Hidan but he wasn't doing anything. Perhaps he'd finally tired himself out.

"Shika?" Or not.

"Yes?" His mouth was probably twitching right now.

"How'd you get that scar?"

"Scar?"

"On your back. It looked pretty fucking big."

"Oh that." He'd almost forgotten about that one. It had been years ago and it was hard to see something on your back. "Accident when I was younger."

"What kind?"

"I went to this deer farm with my dad when I was pretty small and one of the males tried to gore me with its antlers."

"Eh? Why the fuck did it do that? Did you piss it off?"

"_I _didn't. I think the way my dad kept dangling me in front of it and trying to give it wine might've had something to do with it." He certainly wouldn't be winning any father of the year competitions. It wasn't that he was a neglectful father; it was just that he could be surprisingly stupid for such a smart man.

"He sounds pretty fucking funny."

"You would think that." The boy seemed equally as stupid and equally as needy. Indeed, Shikaku seemed to crave attention in much the same way although unlike Shikamaru, his mother Yoshino loved her strange husband. Hidan was more like a dog. A slightly backwards dog.

"...What are they like?"

"Who? My parents?" Hidan nodded. "Err... They're... different. Dad's a bit of a drunk and a pervert but he's mostly a nice guy. And mum is a bit bossy but she puts up with dad so I guess that's to be expected. They only live about an hour away so that's nice I suppose. What about you?"

"Eh?"

"What about your-." _Oh. _Shikamaru had stupidly forgotten that was a taboo subject. "Never mind."

"Why you living with fat fuck and bitch face?"

"Please don't call them that. And we've known each other since we were kids. Our parents are friends."

"Why is everyone you know so fucking weird?"

"You really can't say anything about people being weird."

"Why?"

"...I'll let you figure that one out yourself."

"Why are you always so pissed off?"

"I'm not always angry." He couldn't exactly say it was because Hidan was always driving him up the wall.

"Why the fuck are you so depressed all the time?"

"I'm not depressed either. I'm just tired, ok?"

"Why?"

"What's with all the questions?"

"I wanna know shit about you."

"Why? I'm not that interesting." He was actually quite an average person.

"Because I like you." That was such a wide and happy smile Shikamaru was speechless.

"Th-thank you Hidan. I guess I like you too." Despite the whining and the weird behaviour he wasn't a bad person. Hidan smiled more and practically jumped on him. _It really is like having a dog... _

"Shikamaru?"

"Yes?"

"Can we get rid of the bitch?" _Well that kind of ruined it._

"No."

"But she's so annoying! And her hair pisses me off."

"...I don't how your brain works and I don't think I want to know."

_**Somehow Shikamaru always ends up being stripped in my stuff... Perhaps it's because I'm a pervert XD Thanks for reading and please review :3**_


	8. Chapter 8

**My Pet Peeve**

**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**

"Why are we goin' again? It was so fucking boring last time." One more comment and he was most definitely going to punch him.

"Because I've already skipped a lot because of you and my parents will murder me if I fail my exams. It's not like you have to go either. You could just wait at home."

"No fucking way."

"What is it with you and being on your own?"

"Because."

"Just don't start fights with anyone ok?"

"I don't start shit! Everyone else starts on me!" Shikamaru looked sceptical but decided not to comment. He wasn't getting into a row over this. Unluckily the lecture was going to be with the green loving Gai who was standing at the front and looking eager from the start. Sasuke was already there and pulling faces at the horrible amount of exuberance. No one could stomach it.

"What the fuck?"

"What is it?" Hidan looked like his brain had been broken.

"He looks like the twat with the big eyebrows!"

"Ohhh, yeah he would do. He's his uncle."

"There are more of the things?!"

"Around here there are only two so I wouldn't worry about that." For someone who was so peppy he could be incredibly boring when it came to giving lectures and most people fell into a comatose state. All except for Hidan who instead turned it up a notch.

"What the fuck is his problem? His eyebrows are too big, how do they stay on?... What's with that green shit he's wearing? Maybe he's got a mental problem or something... Look at that guy! He has a fucking bald spot, that's hilarious!... Wow that bitch looks rough. Probably on a walk of shame." And so continued Radio Hidan.

"_Will you shut him up?! He's driving me crazy," _Sasuke hissed at him.

"_You think it's possible to stop him once he starts?!" _

"_You're the one who bought him here so he's your responsibility!" _This was an excellent point. Not to mention the fact that some of the people who'd been mentioned were starting to notice they were being talked about.

"_Hidan?" _

"What?"

"_Could you keep it down please?"_

"Keep what down?"

"_Are you an idiot? Stop talking about people so obviously, they all notice and I get stared at too!"_

"...Oops." It was better than the usual so it would have to do. "When does this shit finish though? Because I am so fucking bored!" _Why does this never end?_

"It ends when Gai stops talking, now shut up before I stick something in that mouth of yours." A few people noticed his little outburst but at least it kept the fool quiet for a minute. As quiet as he could be anyway. There were a lot of sighs and groaning noises but no more non-stop commentary. By the end of it he looked practically dead and Shikamaru could almost sympathise. He was feeling pretty drained from it all himself.

"You don't have any more of these fucking things do you?"

"Well I'm supposed to have another two..." The look of horror on his face made his opinion of that pretty clear. "It's ok, we can skip them." There were better things to be doing anyway. Like sleeping.

"If you're skipping can you do me a favour?" Sasuke was clearly annoyed about something.

"Sure."

"Go to my place and beat the shit out of Kiba. Or if that's a big ask, just annoy him a little."

"Annoy him how?"

"Bring that with you."

"Don't call me 'that' you stuck up piece of shit!" Sasuke simply blanked him which made Hidan even more annoyed.

"Ok then... Why are we doing this?" If there were other people around the loud one could annoy someone else and he could get a bit of a break. Perhaps he could even have a quick snooze on their sofa.

"The moron kept banging on the walls and shouting at me and Naruto while we were trying to have a bit of fun last night."

"...I see." You couldn't really blame Kiba for that. Shikamaru himself had been tempted whenever Choji and Ino started up. It was something to do though so he couldn't care less. "I'll set Hidan on him so don't worry about it."

"You'll 'set me on him'? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Feeling too lazy to reply, he started walking away leaving the silver haired one yelling at him. "Hey! I'm talking to you! Don't play that shit with me!"

-Page Break-

"Dammit Kiba, open the door!" They'd been standing outside for a good ten minutes ringing the doorbell and banging on the door but it was strangely silent in there.

"You think he died?" Hidan sounded unbothered about this and the brunette scowled at him.

"Or maybe he was up all night drinking and bothering the odd couple and is now passed out on his floor."

"Maybe that. I don't know. I just hate the fucker."

"I'm pretty sure it's mutual." It was cold out there though and he wasn't leaving till he'd at least sat in the warm for a while. Hibernation sounded pretty good right now. Migration would require too much effort. In the end it was a sleepy and pretty pissed off looking Gaara who answered the door.

"What the hell do you want?!"

"Err... Well Sasuke told us to come round and annoy Kiba for him."

"As long as you leave me alone while you're doing it. I've got lots of work to do." From the look of him he'd been up most of the night too.

"Sorry... And thanks for letting us in." The redhead humphed and went back to his room.

"He's pretty pissy."

"...There's a thing called tact. Learn it." Of course Hidan looked kind of confused at this so Shikamaru groaned and hurried into the warm.

"Where's the wanker then?"

"Probably in bed." He couldn't help but feel envious at this. Bed was truly a wondrous invention. "Now can you go and get him for me? Up the stairs and to the left." And he retreated to the sofa where he could lie back and relax. It was someone else's house but he truly didn't care. Let them draw on his face as much as they liked; as long as he got some type of sleep he was happy.

Hidan was not best pleased that he'd been left to it, but he went off in search of his victim anyway. The boy was easy to find as his door was wide open and he was sprawled on the floor with a small pool of drool forming. His room was filled empty bottles and rubbish and it was surprising that anyone could live in that much dirt, but Hidan had seen much worse so he simply shrugged it off.

Lifting the boy by his arms, he draped him over his shoulder in a fireman's lift and carried him down the stairs. He was such a deep sleeper he barely stirred as he was taken down the stairs and into the lounge. Even when he was dumped onto the chair, there was little more than a grunt. Shikamaru also appeared to have dozed off and Hidan scowled at the realisation that he had nothing to do. Until Naruto walked in anyway.

"Ah it's you. What are you doing here?" He was naturally a friendly person so he wasn't as rude or shy around Hidan as most.

"Shika wanted to come here. And that guy apparently pissed your asshole boyfriend off." The blonde snickered at this.

"Yeah he does that. And Sasuke can be an asshole... well actually he's always an asshole."

"Why you with him then? Would he kill you if you left?" This was the most likely thing in Hidan's mind.

"Err no. I just love him despite the fact he seems to have a stick up his ass. His family are all pretty nice too."

"...I guess I can see that."

"Ah! I've just realised we haven't properly met!" He strolled over and held out his hand. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, nice to meet you."

"Err..." He stared at his hand with eyebrow raised. What exactly was he expected to do here?

"You're supposed to shake my hand."

"Oh." This guy seemed to be a mind reader. "I'm Hidan..."

"Well Hidan it's good to have you. And as you're planning on getting Kiba, I may as well help you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he annoyed me too last night. We might have to start drugging him so he sleeps all night."

"What the fuck are we going to do then?"

"Hmm... Give me a second." He was a well known prankster and he wasn't going to pass up such a wonderful opportunity. "I guess we could shave him?"

"You mean his pubes?"

"Yeah, that way he won't be having any sex for a while. He'd be scared of anyone finding out." A little harsh but he deserved it. "Up for it?"

"Fuck yes! You get the razor, I'll strip him"

-Page Break-

"That should do it." Naruto and Hidan sat back and admired their handiwork.

"He's got a pretty small dick hasn't he? Shika's seems bigger." Naruto nearly choked at that.

"You've seen it?"

"Almost. I stripped him cause I was bored." He didn't see what the big deal was.

"Ha! I can imagine the look on his face! Why almost though? And how did you persuade him to let you strip him?" In all his years of knowing him, Naruto had always though Shikamaru was a bit of a prude. Not to mention the fact that he'd always seemed straight...

"He was asleep. And when he woke up he started bitching and moaning at me so I never got to see it." It was quite disappointing really.

"Well good luck for next time."Shikamaru needed a bit of something. "Now what should we do?" The loss of hair was good but they needed a little something to finish it off.

"We could chuck some water on him? That'd show him."

"Or better yet, we could throw him in the bath! And fill it with cold."

"That sounds fucking awesome!" Hidan and Naruto were strangely similar and were getting on well. The blonde was pleased to have someone who was as eager to annoy as he was and Hidan was talking to someone who wasn't annoyed with him all the time. Shikamaru would always be his favourite though. The brunette had stayed asleep the whole time and Hidan almost missed the nagging. Naruto dashed up the stairs, returning again a while later.

"The bath is full and it's freezing."

"You should put some ice and shit in it."

"...You're a genius." It took a while to scrape all the ice out the freezer but when he had the bath was cold enough to turn your fingers numb. Kiba was still sleeping peacefully, unaware of what was about to occur. "Right. Let's do this."

Hidan grinned and picked the boy up once again, this time naked and carried him up the stairs. The other two had evil grins on their faces as they grabbed Kiba at each end and chucked him in. The boy screamed and scrabbled to get out of the water, splashing everything as he went.

"What the actual fuck?! Naruto, you absolute-." Kiba stopped as he realised Hidan was also there. "You asshole! You helped with this? I'll kill you guys!"

"Fucking try it!" It was hard to take him seriously when he was shivering and naked like that.

"And why the fuck am I naked?"

"Well we thought you'd want a dip after your shave." Naruto smiled at Kiba who looked down with increasing horror.

"You shaved it?! Why would you do that?"

"Because it's fucking hilarious."

"And you were asking for it by acting like a jackass." There was nothing else for the boy to do but let out a frustrated screech and storm off to his room leaving Hidan and Naruto in hysterics. "So... shall we do Shika next?"

"That would really piss him off... hell yes."

Shikamaru was not as heavy a sleeper as Kiba and woke up as soon as they started pulling his trousers down. That first time had just been lucky.

"It's bad enough having just you, but now you're dragging Naruto into this?"

"Well it is pretty funny Shika."

"Yeah, and you're too much of a fucking prude anyway. You need to show it off!" Hidan made a dive but the brunette jumped back and glared daggers until he beat a reluctant retreat.

"Please stop trying to molest me."

"Actually we were trying to shave you."

"Like we did to the asshole upstairs!"

"...I see." It seemed that it was a bad idea to mix these two. He would learn from his mistake. But in the meantime... "Try it again and you are definitely sleeping outside tonight."

"Eh?! That's a bit much!" He gave him the Look, learnt from his mother years ago. "...Ok I'll stop."

"Wow you've trained him well." Naruto looked impressed. Hidan on the other hand, was not.

"What do you mean trained? I'm not a fucking dog!"

"You act like one."

"You guys are dicks."


	9. Chapter 9

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

It was quiet. No shouting or whining or irritating noises in general. Such a nice change from the recent events. Hidan was sound asleep so Shikamaru had taken the chance and locked himself in the bathroom. It had been so long since he'd had a nice bath and it was so good to be able to sink into the warm and soapy water. It was all good and he was finally enjoying some much needed peace. Until it was ruined once again.

"Shika? What'cha doin?" _Oh good god, does it ever stop?_

"I am _trying _to have a bath."

"Oh... I need to piss."

"Go downstairs then!" _Or outside. _As long as it was somewhere that wasn't disturbing him.

"It's ok; I'll just come in there."

"But the door's lock-." The words died in his throat as Hidan forced the door open and sent the lock flying across the room. It had been an old door but it was still a pretty astonishing show of strength. "At least shut the door behind you!" It was bad enough already without anyone else getting involved.

"Yeah yeah." At least the toilet was on the other side of the room. Although when he'd finished and was still in the room he started to get annoyed again.

"Are you going to get out?" Hidan shrugged and started stripping off his clothes. "What the hell are you doing now?"

"I'm kind of dirty."

"Well you can wait till I'm finished!"

"I can wash your back." There wasn't much chance for him to protest before Hidan sunk in at the other end leaving him awkwardly up against the end of the tub.

"Haven't you heard of a thing called privacy?"

"Is it edible?"

"I'm not in the mood for you acting like a smartass. If you're in here I'll leave." Perhaps the silver haired one would stay there.

"Noo. Stay."

"Why?!"

"Because."

"You are acting like a brat." Another shrug and he grabbed Shikamaru's arm and scowled at him. "...Please stop looking at me like that. And let go of my arm."

"Will you stay?"

"No."

"Then fuck that."

"...I'll only stay if you don't do anything creepy." Though that was probably too big an ask with this one.

"What counts as creepy?"

"About 99% of the things that you do normally."

"Ok!" They sat there in awkward silence for what felt like eons before Hidan got bored. "So can I wash your back?"

"I said nothing creepy."

"That's not creepy. Everyone does that kinda thing."

"In couples maybe."

"There are two of us."

"I told you I wasn't in the mood for this."

"Just stop your bitching and turn around."

"Will you shut up if I do?"

"Maybe."

"Fine. But no touching anything else or you are dead."

"Yeah I get it." Hidan gladly went about rubbing down the smaller boy's back and while he did tried desperately to think of a way to sneak a peek. Part of the reason he'd barged in was to see if he could get a good look at the boy's most important organ. Sadly the bath had too many bubbles and Shikamaru had obviously been expecting a full frontal attack so had covered himself well. Something more subtle was clearly needed. Well, as subtle as he could be.

It wasn't that Hidan was obsessed with penises or anything like that. More that he'd now he'd been denied it the first time his curiosity had been piqued. Not to mention the fact that he'd always been into men and found the brunette decent looking.

"What are you doing?" Shikamaru sounded suspicious and Hidan realised that he'd just been pressing his palms into his shoulder blades as he zoned out.

"Nothing!"

"Well are you done yet?"

"No! Just... giving you a massage!" And he started making little circles with his hands whilst thinking hard about what to do. Shikamaru was pleasantly surprised and despite his reservations, soon relaxed into the soothing movements. After all, if he couldn't escape from this situation he might as well enjoy it. He wasn't a fool though and he guessed there was some kind of ulterior motive.

Hidan's brain was now in overload as he desperately tried to formulate a plot. It wasn't like Shikamaru had much physical strength and if he did grab him, there wasn't much the boy could do about it. Although if he did that he would most definitely be in deep shit. That would only be a last resort and so he resumed 'massaging' and slowly edging himself forwards. If he did it right, he could get a nice view of it before the boy could notice. Slowly he leaned forward and glanced down below.

"Ah. Quite big." He couldn't help it. It took him by surprise. Shikamaru looked up, saw where he was looking and punched him square in the jaw.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! I told you not to do anything creepy!"

"I was just looking!" His jaw was now aching like hell and every time he spoke it started making a loud clicking noise. "And you've fucked up my jaw!"

"Well maybe you shouldn't act like such a pervert!" Shikamaru's face had turned bright red and he was shielding his lower half as much as possible.

"You don't need to bother, I've seen it all." Another smack, this time on the top of the head. "Stop fucking hitting me!"

"If you think I'm letting you sleep in my room tonight you've got another think coming." And he stormed out of the room with as much dignity he could manage.

_I'm such a fucking idiot! _Hidan started banging his head into the wall and groaning loudly. _At least I saw it though... _Perhaps it was worth the punishment after all. He chuckled slightly to himself.

"I can hear you in there!"

"...Shit."

-Page Break-

"Shika?"

"..."

"Shikamaru?"

"..."

"...Stop fucking ignoring me!" After hours of the silent treatment he was so bored he wanted to eat his own foot. Shikamaru was still mad at him though and it wasn't going to end that quickly. No matter what he tried, nothing would persuade the brunette to pay any attention to him. He hadn't even cooked him any food, leaving him to pick at whatever he could find in the fridge.

Shikamaru still ignored him even when he started poking him in the side of the head. Even when he shook him by the shoulders. The boy was incredibly stubborn and it would take more than that to make him stop. It was time for him to swallow his pride and do the one thing he always hated doing. Apologising.

"I'm sorry ok? I didn't fucking mean it! So please talk to meeee!" His voice rose to a high pitched whine and he was on his knees but Shikamaru still stayed silent even though his eyes did momentarily flicker towards him. "Fine! Screw you, I'm going to my room!"

_...Isn't that my room? _It became clear what he meant when Hidan stalked out of the room and into the cupboard under the stairs. _Well that works. _

He did feel bad for ignoring the silver haired one for so long but he didn't want to give in so easily. He'd had his privacy invaded far too often and he needed to learn it wasn't acceptable. It felt like he was training a disobedient dog. Clearly this boy was becoming more of a pet than a squatter.

"Err Shika?" He hadn't noticed Ino coming in.

"Yes?"

"Why's Hidan in the cupboard?"

"Because he finds it cosy? I'm not too sure."

"...You two are weird." He doubted he could ever be as weird as Hidan.

"Well there's not much I can do about it."

"Can't you get him to move? I have stuff in there!"

"I'm trying to ignore him so it would really ruin the whole thing."

"Why are you ignoring him?"

"Because he looked at my dick in the bath."

"That's it?! God, you are such a prude."

"It was an invasion of my privacy you troublesome woman!"

"You're both guys. He has one too. Just make up with him, because he doesn't listen to anyone else."

"...Will you stop nagging me if I do?"

"Yes."

"Fine." He gave a long-suffering sigh. The cupboard door seemed to be jammed when he went to open it and he could feel his eye twitching. "Open the door."

"Shika? That whore isn't with you, is she?"

"You mean Ino?"

"Yeah that one."

"No she isn't."

"Good."

"...Are you coming out?"

"Heh."

"What?"

"Coming out of the closet..."

"Very mature. Now get out, Ino is going to keep complaining at me until you do."

"Well that's your fucking problem."

"Stop sulking in there."

"You can hardly talk! You've been bitching at me all afternoon!"

"Well you've only got yourself to blame. Now out!"

"For fucks sake." It seemed to work despite the groaning and the silver haired one stalked off down the hall. At least it shut up the banshee even if it meant he had to deal with another whiny one.

-Page Break-

The mood gradually got worse as the evening went on. Both were stubborn and neither wanted to break the awkward silence or apologise. As Shikamaru was the more level headed of the two of them he knew he was going to end up sorting things. Hidan was sitting at the other end of the bed pouting although why he was so angry was beyond the brunette. It wasn't like anything had happened to him.

"Ok Hidan this needs to stop."

"What does?" As annoying as it was, he found himself longing for the 'lovable' Hidan who wanted constant attention. He was strangely less annoying that way.

"Stop pouting and talk to me. Why are you so angry anyway?"

"Because you're always pissed off at me."

"Because you usually do things that get on my nerves."

"Like?"

"You do things I specifically tell you not to. And I don't really like having other guys feeling me up."

"It's not like I'd do anything else! I just get so fucking bored all the time!"

"That's how you alleviate boredom?"

"Kind of..." He wasn't going to mention the other things he wanted.

"...You need a hobby."

"You're not pissed at me anymore?" He wasn't nearly as independent as he acted and he didn't like it when people ignored him. And Shikamaru was the only person he could stand right now.

"No... Just don't do it again." Being angry was just too much wasted effort. Trying to scold him any more would be bothersome too. Hidan seemed pleased enough and practically dived onto him. "I think you're taking this a little too far."

"I fucking love being here~."

"Well thanks? Now can you get off?"

"But you're so squishy! And warm~."

"What's wrong with you? Christ you're freezing. I'm guessing that's why you're such an idiot. Your blood flows so slowly there's not enough of it flowing to your brain."

"Hey!"

"Don't worry about it. Thinking too much might break you after all."

"Ha ha, you're fucking hilarious."

_**Haven't had much time to update as I have a few pretty big things to do for uni so updates will be slower for a while :3 And to that guest review, I see your point about not having enough HidaShika but if I don't add in other characters it gets kind of boring which is why I do it often :3 I'll be doing a bit more of just those two though as I have done a lot with the others in recent chapters. **_


	10. Chapter 10

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

For the third time that day, Shikamaru wondered why he was doing this. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Going outdoors every once in a while was good for you. Not to mention the fact that Hidan was getting bored and whenever this creature got bored, something bad happened to him. The boy enjoyed causing him problems and was almost definitely some kind of sadist.

"What are we doing? We've been walking for fucking hours!" And so the whining began.

"It's barely been an hour." The fool could be lazier than he was sometimes and that was saying something.

"Why are we doing this shit?"

"Because if I have to spend another day indoors with you I will go absolutely insane." Hidan was even more irritating in a confined space than anywhere else.

The place they lived in was fairly close to the sea which was good for Shikamaru. It meant he had somewhere to escape to whenever life got too much and he needed to clear his head. The beach closest to the city wasn't particularly scenic. It was covered with stones rather than sand and it was fairly isolated. You had to walk along a coast path that started by a harbour and continued along some winding cliffs.

People had been coming here for too long for it to have the appearance of being completely natural. It had a great view of the sea though and when the sky was clear it was quite relaxing. For someone who felt like simply dozing and letting the world pass by, this place was perfect. Shikamaru came here often when he could be bothered to walk that far and he would always feel his worries melting away. Hidan was not so impressed.

"I'm tired! And my fucking feet hurt!"

"Just shut up and walk." There was no way his favourite past time was going to be ruined by this jackass.

"Tch. You're so weird." _...Like you can talk. _"You actually enjoy all this walking?"

"Of course not. It's troublesome." He could tell he was getting a weird look at the back of his head.

"Then why are you making _me _do all this bullshit?"

"Leaving you alone in my house could prove disastrous." At least when he was sulking, Radio Hidan wouldn't be sounding out any of his irritating comments or insulting everyone that came past.

It wasn't warm but the sun was shining and things were nice enough. As it was a weekday not many people around and the beach itself was practically deserted. Just how he liked it. It didn't take long for Shikamaru to find a spot to lie down on. The rocks dug into his back a fair bit but he was too tired to care. Napping in a public place made a nice change from napping at home.

"Is this all you're doing? This is exactly the same as the shit you do at home!"

"Fresh air is good for you." He was mumbling as he started to drift off. Hidan could do what he liked, he couldn't care less. When they were in a public place he could pretend this man wasn't his problem.

"Lazy shit."

"I miss the days when you were quiet. I had less headaches that way." The silver haired man had still annoyed him but at least he wasn't whining then.

Hidan scowled at him. Of course the brunette was half asleep so he didn't notice but it made him feel better. No way was he going to allow him to get away with this insult. Perhaps burying him alive would do it?

There were plenty of stones around and he began stacking them on the dozing one who tried to ignore it for as long as possible. When it became hard to breathe from the weight on his chest he had to do something about it.

"What are you doing now? We're outdoors. There's a dog walker over there, go annoy them."

"You insult me, I bury you." It was reasonable enough to him.

"Stop that."

"No."

"You are such an idiot. Just knock it off."

"But I'm so fucking bored!"

"You're never satisfied!" Shikamaru sat up and used the look he'd learnt from his mother. "Go and play over there."

"I'm not a kid!"

"You act like one. Now get out of it." Surprisingly it seemed to work. After a few outraged huffs, Hidan stormed down the beach which allowed him to get back to his snoozing.

Hidan spent a good few minutes sulking before he decided to find something to do. Preferably something that annoyed Shikamaru. And as the brunette had recommended he bothered the dog walkers that would be a start. He found his new target in the form of a young woman with blonde hair tied into four pigtails. Her hair annoyed him and the colour was the same as the last woman to completely piss him off. Plus she had a yappy dog and those were truly evil creatures.

Subtlety was not his thing so he went in for a full frontal attack. It was lucky that he had some confidence in his looks as he strode over, his gaze focused on the unsuspecting target. She didn't notice him until he was too close for her to avoid him and she gave him a nervous smile.

"Hi..."

"Hey. I'm bored." Being blunt usually worked for him.

"That's... nice."

"Want to help me relieve my boredom?" Just a little flirty but not too much. It had the desired effect. She blushed but seemed a bit keener. _Stupid whore._

"I guess so... what did you have in mind?"

"This." It was a thing of beauty really. One moment the dog was minding its own business, the next it was sailing through the air and heading straight in to the sea. It wasn't enough to kill it but it was enough to have him doubling up with laughter while the girl shrieked in rage.

"What is wrong with you? You sick bastard!"

"It's your own fault for having a dog as fucking annoying as that so suck it." She looked as if she was considering punching him which of course, made him laugh even more.

Shikamaru heard the shrieks and the manic laughter and inwardly groaned as he knew that it would be disastrous for him to ignore this. Especially he saw who it was that Hidan was bothering.

_Oh shit. _In seconds he was up and dashing down the beach. The fact that he was willing to run just showed how serious the situation was. But what were the chances of it being someone he knew that his 'pet' had decided to bother?

"Temari!" She turned away from yelling at Hidan and froze a little when she saw him. It was understandable. The last time they'd talked hadn't been great.

"Hi Shika... Long time no see."

"Yeah..." For a moment they were so caught up in the awkwardness they forgot about the loudmouth in the corner.

"You know this bitch?" Both scowled at him.

"This is Temari, Gaara's sister."

"Is that the pissy redhead?"

"That's the one."

"This guy is with you? You realise he nearly drowned my dog?" The thing looked bad enough normally, but wet it looked like a drowned rat.

"I am so sorry about that. He's... kind of a moron."

"Hey!"

"Don't worry about it... So... I'll see you around sometime?"

"Yeah I guess."

"Stop ignoring me dickheads."

"I better go... she might get ill and it's not really my dog..."

"That's fair..." After a few mumbled goodbyes she hurried off while he was left with Hidan who was giving him the dirtiest look.

"Who the hell was that? You were acting weird!"

"She's just a friend of a friend. Well a sister of a friend."

"It's not just that. You guys fucked didn't you!"

"No we didn't!" Now his cheeks had gone red. He wasn't lying but the fact that he'd been made to envision it with this girl had freaked him out.

"Tell me you dick! What happened?"

"I don't get why you're so overly interested. And why are you mad?"

"Because. Now tell me." The whining began so he knew it was easier to just get it over with.

"We never really got together! We just nearly did, alright?"

"Nearly? What the fuck does that mean?"

"She was interested and I didn't want to get into a relationship, ok?! I liked her admittedly but I couldn't deal with troublesome women. Happy now?" The silver haired boy was silent for a minute.

"So you'd still consider it?"

"I don't know! It was a while ago. And women like commitment too much for my liking, and that requires effort."

"You better not."

"Why?" It was hardly any of his business who Shikamaru hooked up with.

"I know how this shit happens! You're fine with me for a while but you get a girlfriend and I'm not fucking good enough! Then I end up on the street cause you put some whore over me!"

"...Is that what happened to you before?" It sounded like a bad break up.

"...None of your fucking business." _...You've practically told me idiot._

"Fine, fine. You shouldn't worry though. Even if I got a girlfriend, I wouldn't throw you out. You'd probably stalk me everywhere I went until I let you back in."

"Wow, thanks. I feel great now." The sarcasm was dripping off but at least he seemed happier.

"Out of all the people you had to piss off though... Gaara will kill you when he finds out what happened."

"He can fucking try." Obviously he'd never seen what the redhead could do. It was surprising how well he adapted everyday household items for use as weapons. They never asked how he picked up that particular skill set.

"Right. Home. Now."

"Eh? I thought you wanted to come here? We walked fucking ages for this and now you want to leave?"

"No way in hell. If you do anything else we might get lynched so shift ass." Although maybe it would do Hidan some good to get a good beating. It might teach him not to be such a prick to people.

"I hate you sometimes."

"You want to carry on living rent free with all meals cooked for you?"

"Just kidding! You're fucking awesome!"

_So easy..._

-Page Break-

"You think anyone would notice if I stole that bitches pancake thing?"

"I'm assuming you mean a crepe? And yeah I'm pretty sure her parents wouldn't be too pleased."

"She's barely fucking touched it! It's a waste of food and all that shit."

"Well seeing as she can't be more than three that's not surprising." It was bad enough he had to insult everything but if he started stealing from children it would be impossible to leave the house without being beaten up.

_Why me? Can't someone else have this troublesome idiot?! _Although he doubted anyone else would be as much of a pushover.

"Why is your house so far away anyway?"

"Because. Why do you complain about every single thing?"

"I don't complain about everything! People are just dicks."

"I can't argue with you there."

"You're up your ass sometimes too. And all you do is sleep!"

"No one else has a problem with it. Now can't you find a way to entertain yourself without getting into trouble?" It was tempting to leave him there and escape but then he had an image of Hidan sitting in a cardboard box in the rain like an abandoned puppy and groaned. His conscience wouldn't let him do that.

"What's wrong with you?" Hidan was uncomfortably close and he groaned again, even louder. "What?!"

"Personal space isn't something you understand, is it?"

"No~." He seemed to take this as a compliment and started hugging him in the middle of the street. A few people stared and the grip around his shoulders was too tight to escape from.

"Can't you at least do this at home where no one can see?"

"I knew you liked it really."

"No, but when we're at home I don't get stared at." Those girls in particular were giving him funny looks and giggling. _Troublesome women and their evil brains. _

"Queers!" _...And there's another reason. _A couple of guys definitely younger than them had made their thoughts pretty clear. It was the first time he'd ever had any of that hassle although he'd seen it done to friends of his. All of those men had never done it again... it was doubtful they'd ever leave their houses again after meeting Gaara and Sasuke. It seemed Hidan was also not impressed.

"What the fuck did you say?"

"I called you what you are, which is a dirty pair of queers." The boy's smirk lasted for about two seconds before it met Hidan's fist. There was barely time for him to move before he was kicked in the stomach and fell to the ground. His friend didn't fare any better and was soon joining him on the ground, struggling desperately to breathe. Hidan grabbed the loud one by his collar and pulled him close to his face and scowled. He looked like he was about to piss himself.

"You better get the fuck out of here or I will rip your fucking faces off! And if I see you again I will kill you. And I won't be slow about it either." There was a small yelping noise and both boys ran as fast as they could. "Ha! That skinny fucker was crying! What a pussy shit!" Of course this was a great source of amusement.

"Nicely done." It had been an impressive display.

"Eh? You don't mind? I thought you'd be pissed off."

"Not when it's people like that. They deserve what they get."

"Too fucking right. If I want to molest you in public that's my business!"

"Excuse me?!"

"What?"

"I'd rather you didn't molest me at all! Where do you get this from?"

"I like that shit. And you're the right height for me."

"...You're very clingy aren't you?"

"...Maybe a little..."

"That's an understatement and a half. Now let's go, all these people are giving us looks."

"Nosy bastards!"

"The shouting isn't helping!" He was going to need to dye his hair if he ever wanted to go outside again.

_**First update in weeks ^^ All my deadlines are done for a while so can get back to fun things like this. Bit of homophobia at the end, simply because I enjoyed thinking about what Hidan would do to people like that and it was greatly satisfying :) Thanks for reading and please review :3**_


	11. Chapter 11

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

Shikamaru knew the day wasn't going to go well. It was clear from the way that Ino had decided to throw his door open and waltz in whilst he was attempting to sleep (despite Hidan's strange sleep babble), that there was some form of deity out there that had it in for him.

"What do you want woman?" _I thought I'd locked that door... _

"You are wasting your life Shika. It's been beautiful weather and you've been staying in and missing the whole thing."

"Some of us need to work because some of us have lecturers that purposely miss out entire sections of work so we have to learn it in time for exams." Ino never seemed to have anything and it greatly annoyed him.

"Oh come on, you have an amazing memory! You don't need to do that much work."

"If I don't get great grades in everything, my mother will kill me." Sadly his parents knew that he was capable of much more than he wanted to work for so he had to at least try. His mother did have a vicious temper when crossed. "I already don't know how to explain... well, that." He gestured to Hidan who seemed to not have noticed the loud voices and was snoozing contentedly on the bed.

"...You're not taking him home with you, are you? Because he's not a stray kitten or anything like that."

"Well I'm not sure what else to do. I can't just throw him out." There was nowhere for him to stay here either so Shikamaru knew he'd have to take the idiot home.

"Good luck with that. And you better leave the house today anyway, because that cleaning lady is coming in."

"...Wasn't she supposed to come every week?"

"Yeah... Not sure what's going on there. But you know what she's like so you might want to escape while you can." Their cleaning lady seemed to enjoy complaining about something. Why the landlord even decided to hire one was beyond all of them when she only showed up every few weeks and did a really shoddy job.

"Oi Hidan. Hidan!" He groaned and looked up with bleary eyes.

"Whass goin' on?"

"Get up. We're going out."

"Why?"

"Because I said so. Now move."

-Page Break-

It wasn't until they were a few streets away that he could finally relax. There was no way he was going to pretend to be interested in conversation with menopausal women. Women his own age were bad enough. Although he could've set Hidan on her...

"Why the fuck are you looking at me like that? It's creepy."

"No reason..." Now he was outside he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He'd just rushed out without thinking of anything else. Not to mention the fact that the sun was already giving him a headache.

_...Damn this is hot... And why is Hidan taking his trousers off? _It took a while for his brain to fully comprehend this fact.

"What are you doing?! You don't strip off in public!"

"But it's hot~! And I'm sweating shitloads here."

"I don't care! Just cover yourself before someone sees!" Hidan groaned but did as he asked.

"Can I at least take the shirt off? I'll fucking die!"

"I highly doubt it."

"What are we doing then? Are we just gonna stand here all day?"

"No... What do you want to do? And please say something that doesn't involve molestation."

"...Damn. Well I'm all out of ideas."

"Must be nice to be stupid like you."

"Hey! You're such an asshole!" Instead of bothering to reply, Shikamaru continued walking with Hidan following on behind and insulting him. The weather was stupidly hot which meant the streets were filled with masses of people all attempting to enjoy it while it lasted.

He'd never been the most sociable person in the world and he groaned at the idea of having to deal with masses of people surrounding him. He was better than Hidan who had grabbed his arm and started scowling at anyone who came within a few metres of them.

"What's wrong with you?" _This could be a good thing if he keeps all these irritating people away. _

"Can we go?"

"We've only just got here. What's wrong with you?"

"People piss me off. Now let's go."

"People piss me off too but sometimes you have to deal with it. You've been with me to uni before and you were fine." _Aside from trying to kill Kiba. _

"But-."

"Stop worrying, you're fine. And I am really in the mood for a burger." Hidan was annoyingly close as he followed him but at least he was too busy being an antisocial psycho to whine at him continuously like he normally did.

Sadly every fast food place in the whole damn city seemed to be filled to the brim with mothers and small children who made it their mission to block every doorway and take up every table. Not to mention the fact that Hidan seemed to have no qualms about telling children where to go in much the same way he told everyone else. Their parents weren't so pleased.

"What is wrong with you? He's only six!" Shikamaru tried to sneak away as the angry mother came charging over.

"He fucking started it, so I gave it back! You can't let them get away with that kind of bullshit!"

"_Hidan! Hey! Stop it!" _Whispering wasn't getting his attention so Shikamaru decided to grab some food then leave.

"You don't shout at someone else's child! And you'll be lucky if I don't phone the police."

"For what?! 'Oh I'm sorry, I'm a neglectful bitch of a mother who lets her asshole kid run around fucking up people's days'. Yeah, good luck with that."

"You keep talking mister and I will beat the shit out of you. You have no idea how hard being a mother is!"

"Well it can't be that fucking difficult if they let lazy bitches like you do it." The woman went to swing her fist at him so Hidan moved quickly meaning the woman punched one of the shop workers who'd run over to try and sort things out. The silver haired boy obviously found this hilarious whilst the woman tried to apologise to the now bleeding young boy on the floor. Shikamaru had luckily managed to acquire some food and decided now would be a good time to run. He dashed over to Hidan and tugged his arm.

"Move. Now!" Luckily he wasn't so stupid as to stay around for the chaos that was beginning and followed.

"Hey! You get back here!" The woman tried to give chase but was soon stopped by the manager who was not pleased at the staff assault going on.

Shikamaru had never run so fast in his life and the sheer effort was killing him but he didn't want to be around to deal with the aftermath. Once they'd left the main part of town he finally collapsed on a park bench and groaned.

"You... so troublesome... going to... kill me..." He could barely breathe. It showed that he really was unfit. _All I seem to be doing today is running away. _

"Wow, you ok? We only went two streets and you're practically dead."

"Shut up!" At least he hadn't dropped his food. He hadn't eaten a takeaway burger in so long and now he was going to gorge.

"What's all that?" Anything food related would be instantly noticed by Hidan who had leaned right into his face and was staring at him.

"Hamburgers... and some fries I guess." Of course Hidan started giving him the puppy dog eyes and he groaned. "Yes, I got some extra for you. You'd never shut up if I forgot."

"Fuck yes! You know I love you!"

"Err thanks..." It was kind of awkward having him be so over affectionate. After all, he barely knew anything about him. _I doubt a moron like him could've got away with doing any major crimes though. _

Especially seeing him now with sauce all over face and cramming food into his mouth. It was like being around a small child. At least small children were sometimes well behaved and usually not vastly stronger than you.

"Do you have to eat like you're savaging it? How much mess do you want to make?!"

"If it bothers you so much you can lick it off?" The hopeful way he said it meant that in Shikamaru's eyes he deserved to be smacked round the back of the head. "Hey! That shit hurts!"

"Wipe your face and shut up. You really are troublesome. That's another place I can never go to again."

"The food's not that great. There's barely any fucking meat there! It's like cardboard."

"Yet you still ate it."

"Food is food is food. But buy some proper meat next time and none of this cheap crap."

"I'm a student! I have no money! You want something you buy it with your own damn money. You're not a child or a dog, you can get a job."

"A job?! No way in hell! I could do shit for you?"

"Like?" He could already guess what he was going to say.

"Well I could fuck you? Or you could fuck me? Or maybe I could off someone for you?"

"'Off someone'?! What does that mean?"

"Well if someone really pisses you off I can make them disappear."

"...You know, I think I'll pass on that one. You sound like you've done that kind of thing before."

"...No..." Hidan knew he would definitely be kicked out if he admitted certain things.

"Well that makes me feel better. I definitely won't have any problems sleeping next to you." Even the fool wasn't so stupid as to not recognise sarcasm.

"'The fucks wrong with you? It's not like I'd do anything to you."

"How can I be sure of that? You could be tricking me for all I know."

"I guess... I really won't though. You give me food and shit and you didn't ignore me like everyone else."

"Ignore you?"

"Yeah. When I was outside in the rain. A lotta people saw me but no one tried to help me out..."

"Oh... How long were you there anyway? You never said."

"Well I was on the streets for a few days but I was only there on that day." He didn't sound too depressed about it for a change.

"Why were you there? I'm guessing it was this Kakuzu guy?" Shikamaru felt brave so he thought he might as well ask.

"Yeah... He used to want me... then that ugly bitch came along! He chose her over me!"

"So he was your boyfriend then?"

"Well kind of... It was pretty complicated shit to be honest. Let's just say we were together and leave it at that..."

"Ok... I guess I better tell my parents you're coming back with me. They will not be too pleased though."

"Your parents?"

"I'm supposed to be going home for a while after term ends. The house is only rented so I can't stay there all the time. And I'm guessing you have to come with me since I know you have nowhere else."

"I knew you loved me really!" The glomping did need to stop.

"Ow! Ok I get it. But that hurts!" Hidan lessened the grip slightly but still continued the man hug of death. "I really don't know what to call you to my parents..."

"Isn't it obvious?" Shikamaru scowled at him but the boy still continued. "Your lover~."

"We are not lovers! No way in hell!"

"Awww." And the puppy face began again.

"Stop it... I said no... No!" Hidan leant in closer and closer and Shikamaru continued to scowl. This creature really was infuriating. "You are not my lover; you are a pet at best."

"Well you can tell them that if you like~."

"...That would be so much worse." Shikamaru groaned at the fact that he had such bad luck. At least he'd learnt never to help strangers again in case they were freeloading psychopaths.

"Hmph. I'm better than any girlfriend you'd ever have."

"I guess you're a lot less troublesome. And that doesn't mean you can jump on me!" He slid to the other end of the bench before he could be gripped.

"Fuck me, you're jumpy today. It's not like I'm gonna rape you out here or anything like that."

"I'd rather not take my chances." _If he says any of his usual stuff in front of the parents I think they may freak out as well... _Shikamaru sighed. "We're going to have to go through a lot of ground rules before I take you home."

_**Sorry for long delay, for some reason my brain only wants to write fanfiction in the middle of exam season rather than before when I'm free ¬_¬ Hope you enjoyed reading and please review :3**_


	12. Chapter 12

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

It was hot. Almost suffocating. This was one of the reasons you should never travel on a train during peak time. The other was the annoying amount of people, mainly children and the elderly, who were taking up all the space or making loads of noise. Shikamaru really wished he'd had the money for first class so he could avoid the majority of people. Not to mention Hidan's increasing rage.

"If you even think about throwing anymore shoes, I'll kill you."

"Come on! They're even pissing you off. I won't throw yours this time?"

"I'm the one who has to go and apologise because you won't and you'll probably get us thrown off the train." After one of his pissed off wails, Hidan slumped down in his chair and scowled out the window. As long as he was silent things were good. The problem was what would happen when they reached their destination. When telling his parents he was bringing someone home for the summer, certain important details had been omitted...

It had been his mother who answered the phone.

"Shikamaru! We never hear from you nowadays, is something wrong?"

"Of course not! I just wanted to ask you about me coming home..."

"Oh, are you coming back earlier?"

"No, actually I wanted to bring someone back with me. Will that be a problem?"

"...Shikamaru. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Um kinda... Well, actually-."

"Oh thank god! We've been so worried. I thought you'd just hole yourself up in your room the whole year. Shikaku! He's bringing back a girl!" There was a shuffling noise in the background as his father came dashing down the corridor.

"Really?! Thank god. She better be a cute one Shika, because I'd rather have a nice looking daughter in law!" There was a slapping sound as his father discovered it was best not to mention other women in front of his wife.

"You guys are wrong! I actually have a-."

"Don't worry about a thing honey, I'll get the whole thing ready. And I can't wait to meet her!"

"Wait you troublesome-." The phone clicked and he groaned.

_Why does she never listen? _

Thinking back on this he cringed. When they met Hidan it would certainly be a surprise. And when he told them he was his 'boyfriend' (It was the best explanation without sounding weird) the reaction would certainly be interesting. _Maybe I should get a camcorder..._

Then there were Hidan's unusual habits. Admittedly he wasn't as weird as at first but he still many things others never really did. Like his lack of shame in getting naked, his apparent fear of people (getting on the train had taken a while), the ease that he spoke about 'offing' people, and his general lack of respect for personal space. He had been warned but a little more force would be needed.

"Hidan?" The boy looked over, still scowling. "I just need to check you remember some of the things we talked about earlier."

"Like?" Hidan wasn't in the mood to be nice.

"I think you know. I want you to cut down on some of the oddities while you're at my parent's house, ok?"

"I don't understand though!" It was frustrating when you couldn't see what you were doing wrong. "I know you get pissed at me but I don't get why. Just tell me exactly what you don't like!"

"It's not that I don't like it, it's that my parents won't appreciate it."

"Well, tell me what not to do. Give me some rules or shit like that."

"Rules?" That wasn't a bad idea. "Ok then. Firstly you can't strip in front of other people or in public areas. Next, no mentioning killing people or making them disappear. In fact, just don't mention anything illegal. No beating people up, cut down on the swearing, try not to snap at people on the street and no complaining about everything. And definitely don't mention how we met! If anyone asks we met in a club, ok?"

"But we both hate clubs. And is there anything I can do? It sounds like a fucking prison!"

"You're a guest in their house so you need to have respect! And if you don't do any of it I will most definitely kill you."

"...Will you punish me?"

"Why do you look so eager?" Most people would be uncomfortable with being punished. From the way Hidan's eyes lit up it seemed he was different.

"No reason~."

"...I should've known you'd be a masochist."

"Heh... So what kind of punishment we talking about?"

"...Stop thinking about those kinds of things."

-Page Break-

The train journey took so long that when they finally stepped off it was dark and freezing cold. It also seemed his parents had forgotten to come and get them.

"No one's here."

"Thanks for pointing that out for me."

"How long are we gonna be stuck here? I'm freezing my fucking bollocks off!"

"It's your own faut for not wearing a damn jumper!" His mother was useless when it came to time. Her record was two hours late picking him up from school aged 8. It seemed she was still up to her old tricks and it was another hour before she finally decided to show up.

"Sorry I'm late Shika! There was this really interesting TV show on dragonfly nymphs and I got sucked in."

"You were watching TV?! For a whole hour?"

"You know how it goes. Anyway, where's this girl of yours Shika? I'm so excited about meeting her!"

"Erm..." Now was the awkward part. Hidan was lounging on the bench but had looked up at the mention of a girlfriend.

"Girlfriend?! I don't have a fucking pussy!" And as usual, he just made the situation more awkward. Yoshino looked from Shikamaru to the silver haired one and furrowed her brow.

"Who's this?"

"This is Hidan. He's my 'girlfriend'."

"...Oh. I see. So she's post op or pre op?" _Oh god, she'd been reading those magazines again._

"I've never had a fucking op! Look!" He did have every excuse to be pissed but pulling his trousers down in public probably wasn't the best way to go.

"Put that away you idiot!" He didn't think she'd seen much but probably enough to think he was dating some kind of pervert.

"He's certainly... forward. So... you're gay." _No! Definitely not!_

"I think so." _The lies I tell for this idiot._

"Well he seems like a... lovely boy, and at least now we'll have something to talk about." She winked and he groaned. Yoshino hadn't been too bothered but his father was a different story. It wasn't that he was homophobic; he was simply a lover of women. Having his only son bring home a guy rather than a 'cute young thing' as he put it would probably irritate him greatly.

"So how did you two meet?" The interrogation began immediately.

"In a club. Ino dragged me out and we met by the bar." He'd been practicing this story in his head all day so it flowed out easily.

"I'm impressed. I didn't have you down as a club goer."

"I'd do anything to shut up that troublesome woman's whining."

"And how long have you been together?"

"A few months."

"I see. So Hidan, don't your parents want you to visit them at all this summer?" _Shit. _They hadn't talked about that. _I hope he doesn't get too weird._

"I don't have any."

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realise!" Yoshino scowled at her son like it was his fault. "Is there no one else? Any other family?"

"No. I only had my mother so..." Hidan sounded genuinely depressed and it was likely he was telling the truth. That or he was getting better at ad libbing.

"Why didn't you tell me Shikamaru?!"

"Err..." Somehow denying any knowledge didn't seem right.

"Well Hidan, I'm Yoshino nice to meet you." She smiled and Hidan returned.

"Likewise fuckface." There was an awkward silence.

"What did you just say?!" Shikamaru couldn't believe the idiot had done something so stupid.

"What?" Hidan looked genuinely mystified.

"Why did you say that?"

"What's pissed you off?!"

"You don't call people 'fuckface'! It's generally not a nice thing to say."

"Eh? Err... sorry?"

"...You genuinely didn't see a problem with that?"

"I call you fuckface all the time!"

"If he didn't mean any harm, it's fine!" Yoshino was smiling but Shikamaru knew if anyone else had done it she'd have ripped them to shreds. "Now let's get going boys. Your dad's been looking forward to meeting your... partner."

This was probably not going to end well.

-Page Break-

"Shikamaru, you sly dog!" Shikaku had clearly been waiting for them as he practically jumped on his son as he walked in and gave him a bear hug. "Where's this girl of yours then? I've been waiting! I hope your taste is as good as your father's."

"Err..." Shikamaru glanced behind at his mother who was trying not to laugh and at Hidan who was simply scowling at this old man who was taking the attention of _his _Shikamaru.

"Who's this?" Shikaku had noticed Hidan and was giving him a funny look. "Jesus Shika, your girlfriend doesn't have much in the breast department." No one really knew what to say to this. He'd clearly been having one of his evening bingeing sessions whilst everyone was out. This was confirmed when he started poking Hidan's chest in an attempt to find boob. Yoshino had to stop herself from laughing whist Shikamaru went red as he waited for the inevitable realisation.

"Stop poking me you perverted piece of shit!" No one could really blame Hidan for punching Shikaku. No one would be willing to put up with that for long.

"You... You have no breasts! What kind of woman are you?!"

Both Yoshino and Shikamaru were thinking the same thing: _That useless pervert. _

"Woman?! Why does everyone think I'm a fucking woman! I have a dick you asshole!"

"..." Shikaku paused thoughtfully for a while before groaning loudly. "Where did we go wrong Yoshino?! I even leant him my magazines and he's still playing for the other team!"

"There's nothing wrong with him. In fact I think his boyfriend seems much nicer than any of his previous girlfriends!"

"...Thanks mum..." Neither looked over as they continued their battle.

"But what am I supposed to do? I'm not into men!"

"You shouldn't be looking at other women anyway you disgusting old man! Especially your son's girlfriends!" She grabbed the nearest vase and hurled it at his head.

"...So Hidan, let me show you my room." It was better to leave them to it when they got like that.

"Eh?! But this is hilarious!"

"Upstairs. Now." Hidan groaned but followed Shikamaru anyway, leaving the Nara parents to do battle.

"Right. This is my room." It was small but comfy and plenty of space just for him... Well, there would be if there wasn't another bed made up on the floor.

"Why are there separate beds? That's bullshit!" Hidan was angry for all the wrong reasons.

"The better question is why you aren't in the spare room!"

"Why would I be? We always share a bed!"

"But..." That would be common sense for a couple but he was a well known prude. His mother clearly wasn't.

"Do you like what I've done to the place? I thought you guys might be happier sharing a room." Clearly this was a short lived fight and Yoshino popped her head round the door and smiled.

"It's ok. Just... are you ok with us sharing a room?"

"Shikamaru, I'm not an idiot. I know what couples get up to when they're alone. As long as you're quiet you two can do what you want~."

"We can do what?!" Hidan put his arms around Shikamaru and grinned.

"Thanks mum of Shika! We will~."

"Don't say that kind of thing!" It seemed he was the only normal person around here.

"I'll leave you guys to settle in and I'll get some dinner cooking for you."

"Th-thanks." When she was far enough away he turned round and scowled at the silver haired idiot.

"What's wrong with you? You look kind of pissed off."

"You think?! Now my parents think we're having sex!"

"Most couples do."

"_But we're not really a couple!" _

"_Why are we whispering?"_

"_Because!"_

"_It was your idea to say we were fucking anyway! I'm just going along with what _you _said."_

"...You have a point. It's just... I don't like talking about the details in front of other people."

"You're easily embarrassed."

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"No. I think it's fucking adorable!" Hidan grabbed him and pulled him close and Shikamaru attempted to pull away.

"Stop that! What's wrong with you?"

"I'm just happy~."

"...I think I prefer you when you're depressed."

"Don't be a dick."


	13. Chapter 13

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

Despite the fact that they hadn't done anything, Shikamaru still felt embarrassed when he walked into the lounge the next morning and both his parents gave him a look. Of course the blushing made him look even guiltier. Add to this, the fact that Hidan was standing there half naked with a dazed look on his face and it didn't look good. He really needed to force him to get fully dressed in the morning before leaving the bedroom.

"Did you have a nice lie in honey?" His mother was smiling at him.

"It was ok..." It wasn't her he had to worry about.

"You were up there a while boys." Shikaku winked at his only son and received a glare in return.

"We were just tired out after last night." Realising what he'd just said he had to add more before he could get any comments. "It was a long train ride!"

"Of course it was." Luckily his mother wasn't impressed either and bought her fist down on her despicable husband's head.

"Stop picking on our son!" The look of rage turned to a smile as she looked over at the two boys. "Why don't you go into the other room Shika while I get you guys something to eat?"

"That'd be great, thanks!" It was good he knew the warning signs and he dragged the confused looking Hidan out of the war zone.

"Wow your mum is pretty pissy, isn't she?"

"Being married to dad would make anyone that way."

"What's wrong with him?"

"...You don't get it?" The boy shook his head. "Well seeing as neither of you seems to understand privacy or normal conversation I'm sure you'll get on well."

They listened to his mother shouting yet again until a loud bang resounded through the house and then there was silence. Not long after, Yoshino came into the room smiling and holding two plates piled up with food.

"Here you go~. I've given you a lot but if you're still hungry after that I have extra's in the kitchen."

"Thanks mum."

"Thanks Female Shika." Yoshino giggled at this and left them to it. _Probably going to bury dad in the garden..._

"Your parents fight a lot eh?" Hidan was already shoving anything resembling bacon into his mouth.

"Not as often as this usually, it's only because you're here and mum doesn't want dad acting like an idiot in front of guests."

"Your mum makes fucking awesome bacon!" As usual Hidan was distracted by food. "Not burnt like yours."

"...Well thanks." _If he thinks I'm making him anymore he's got another think coming. _

As Shikamaru ate he could feel eyes on the back of his head and he knew he was being watched. He'd noticed that Hidan often looked at him when he thought the younger boy was unaware and it was creepy to say the least.

He never just looked either. It was always the same intense stare that felt as if the boy was gazing directly into his soul. When he'd first woken up that morning the weirdo had been watching him while he'd been sleeping. The staring had been there while he'd been drifting off the night before too. Why he was being watched he didn't know, but it was going from being creepy to just plain irritating.

Shikamaru turned and looked directly at the silver haired boy who had finished eating and was watching him as expected.

"Why are you always doing that?"

"Doing what?" The confusion was obvious on his face.

"Staring. You keep doing it and it's starting to get on my nerves. What's so interesting that you have to keep looking?" Hidan pondered this for a while.

"...I don't know." _Is he kidding me?!_

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't really get why. Just that I like watching you and I want to keep doing it." _And that's not weird at all._

"You do realise how strange it is for me when you do that?"

"Why?"

"Never mind." The boy wasn't known for his intelligence so it wasn't worth trying.

"Are you boys finished?" Yoshino had stuck her head around the door.

"Yes...?" She seemed strangely keen and that was rarely good news for him.

"Would you two mind going over to Asuma's place? I promised him I'd send over apple pie."

"Some what now?"

"Homemade apple pie. Kurenai's parents are coming down for the weekend and he wanted something good for them."

"I guess that's alright." Clearly she was just using this as an excuse to send him to Asuma's place. Although he'd never say anything he was quite pleased. He had kind of missed the old guy.

"Great! He's really missed you, you know. He's been round here trying to play shogi with your father almost every weekend."

"I bet he has." _That guy always was a weirdo._

-Page Break-

It was nice to be walking through the streets of his old home town again. Unlike the city his university was in, the town was quite spread out with a lot less buildings and much more in the way of open spaces and green. The lack of stupid amounts of crowds was another bonus. Shikamaru had to admit that he'd missed the place more than expected while he'd been gone. It didn't feel as stifling as it used to. Hidan seemed more chilled due the lack of people too which was always a good thing.

"Who's Asuma?" It was strange that he'd never mentioned him before.

"Friend of the family. His dad worked at the company dad works at and he used to come round a lot when he was a teenager and I was a kid. Pretty nice guy."

"And what's shogi?"

"A board game, kinda like chess I suppose. We usually play it together. He's never beaten me once."

"Wow. You never got out much as a kid did ya?"

"...Just shut up."

"And who's Kurenai?" His voice went a little strange at the name.

"His fiancée. They've been together for years."

"Lucky them." He sounded almost bitter.

Asuma lived quite close to the Nara household and Shikamaru was used to going there often. It had been his main hiding place when he'd needed an escape and felt like a home away from home. The house was reassuringly exactly the same as it was when he'd visited a few months before. Kurenai smiled when she opened the door and saw him.

"Shikamaru! How long have you been back?"

"Only since yesterday. Mum sent apple pie."

"Oh yes she said. Asuma's out in the back garden if you want to see him."

"That's great thanks." As he entered the house Kurenai noticed Hidan for the first time. As usual he was giving the new person a wary look.

"Who's your friend?" She was being pretty polite considering Hidan's staring.

"This is Hidan. Sorry he's a little antisocial." He was hopeful that the scowl he sent him would discourage him from acting like a bratty child. Even though he huffed a little, no comments were made.

"Well nice to meet you." She gave him an awkward smile while he just stared blankly.

"...Sorry about this."

"That's fine." Luckily Kurenai was forgiving but he thought it best to drag Hidan out of the way before he decided to actually start talking and freaking people out.

Asuma was sat on a bench near the back door reading and had barely noticed the new people walking past him.

"Hey Asuma! At least pay attention." He jumped up when he heard Shikamaru's voice and smiled at him.

"Well well, look whose back. I've missed my shogi partner."

"Likewise. And I see you haven't quit like you said you would." He motioned towards the packet of cigarettes lying on the table nearby.

"It's a dirty habit but what can you do?"

"You could knock it off and do something that doesn't kill you and everyone around you?"

"Now you're on at me too... Kurenai never stops."

"Only because we care." Asuma noticed the silent boy staring down at the floor and standing next to Shikamaru.

"I've never seen this guy before. Is he a new friend of yours?"

"Oh! Sorry this is Hidan."

"I'm glad you actually bothered to try socialising with people instead of finding it too 'troublesome'."

"Well thanks." The man always knew what to say.

"So how do you deal with this lazy ass, Hidan?" There was only silence. "...Hello? Anyone home?" No reply. "...Is he ok?"

"I-I think so! He just gets a little shy sometimes." _Christ not this again. I thought he was over it. _

"I'll go get you guys something to drink." Asuma was tactful enough to give them some much needed space. Once the man was gone Shikamaru decided to deal with it.

"Ok, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Even only one word answers were better than the silence.

"Don't give me that. You're going weird on me again. Why?"

"I'm not going weird!" The boy pouted.

"You had no problem with my parents so why with Asuma and Kurenai? They don't bite."

"Because." It was hard to admit that you were jealous.

"Please try and make an effort, these people are important to me."

"Hn." Well it wasn't a no.

"So how'd the exams go Shika?" Asuma started as soon as he got back.

"Well I passed them all."

"I never thought you'd fail any of them. But did you get the perfect marks you're capable of?"

"Oh god not you too!"

Hidan listened to the conversation between the other two whilst keeping a blank expression on his face. These people were closer to Shikamaru than he'd ever be and this fact depressed him. Perhaps he was jealous but he couldn't help himself. He was a needy man and he liked the attention.

If he did anything to piss these people off these people though, Shikamaru would most definitely kill him so he decided the best thing to do was nothing. Neither making an effort nor irritating everyone.

"And how're Ino and Choji?" The conversation resumed.

"The usual. Troublesome woman never shuts up still."

"She just worries about everyone too much."

"I wish she'd worry less."

"Ha! You should be glad you have such good friends. And speaking of which, how'd you and Hidan meet?"

"In a club..."

"Really? I thought those kind places gave you a headache?"

"Ino. That is all."

"Understood. So Hidan's what exactly? Close friend?"

"...Actually he's my boyfriend." Using this story with Asuma seemed worse.

"Ah, I thought so."

"You thought what now?!"

"Well I didn't want to say in case you'd be offended but I always did think you were that way inclined. I mean, you always say how troublesome women are."

"...Thanks for that." _Well now I know what people think of me. _

"Something wrong?"

"Nope, nothing!"

"You two seem well suited though."

"Really?!" He couldn't see it.

"So Hidan, how'd you get the ultimate prude to agree to this?"

"I-." Just as Hidan was about to stop this long silence Shikamaru interrupted.

"We really should get going!" No way in hell was he going to let Hidan spout any bullshit. Things would worsen.

-Page Break-

"That Asuma guy ain't bad."

"Glad you like him."

"What's fucked you off?"

"Just weird to know that he's always thought I was gay..." Shikamaru had never looked at guys so he couldn't see where that had come from. "And you can't say anything about being 'fucked off'!"

"Eh?"

"You went all weird and silent again!"

"Oh. That."

"Yes that. What was all that about?"

"...Well you're close to all these people."

"And...?"

"You're not like that with me!"

"...You were jealous?!" How anyone could be possessive over him was unknown to Shikamaru.

"Only a little."

"Well... It's nice to know you care."

"That guy wasn't trying to steal you from me though so he was ok." _Steal me?_

"...It must be nice thinking the way you do."

"The fuck does that mean?"

"Nothing..."


	14. Chapter 14

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

It was hard not to stare at the vision of perfection in front of him. Hidan gazed in wonder and could feel his body twitching with anticipation at what it would feel like to touch it. He leant forward, arms outstretched, ready to grab this-.

"No." He stopped in his tracks and sent a pleading look towards Shikamaru who was scowling at him from the other side of the room.

"But Shika!"

"I said no."

"It looks so damn good!" Just one taste was all he asked.

"For the last time, the cake is for dad's birthday, eat it and both myself and my mum will kick you into next Tuesday. Understood?"

Hidan huffed and watched as Shikamaru took the chocolate covered wonder away where he couldn't even sample it. This whole birthday thing confused him greatly. What was so special about it? He was only another year closer to death and how that was something to celebrate was beyond him. Not to mention the fact that a mass of people would be here for this 'party'. He'd never been to one and it sounded confusing. Shikamaru returned muttering about troublesome gluttons.

"Shika?"

"If it's about the cake forget it."

"What's this party bullshit?"

"Eh? You mean why are we having one?"

"Yeah that."

"Because my dad likes any excuse to get large groups of people together and to drink masses of alcohol of course."

"So that's all?" It sounded much like what Shikamaru's friends liked to do but on a larger scale.

"Well I guess people just like to celebrate for any reason and a birthday is as good a reason as any."

"You people are weird."

"...Like you can really talk."

-Page Break-

There was nothing worse in this world than a large group of people you've known since childhood together in a confined space. Shikamaru had lost count of the number of elderly relatives who had come over and commented on his growth/hair/skinniness. It seemed they all got the basic framework for their conversation from the same crappy self-help book.

The only plus side was that many of his friends were there due to their families being friends and so he didn't have to be alone in watching his parents drink till they lost all control of their bodily functions. Some were even joining in although Naruto's mum would not be best pleased when she noticed him sticking his head into the bowl of jelly.

Sasuke was joined by his older brother Itachi who was known for being sadistic and had often given all of them hell when they were children. At least he wasn't doing anything like that now but he was recording his mother getting drunk so he'd have some kind of blackmail material for later.

Ino and Choji had disappeared somewhere and he seriously hoped they weren't fondling on his bed again. You would think they'd be bored of this after being together for so long and yet they were like a pair of rabbits. Even Asuma and Kurenai were acting worse than usual. It seemed he was one of the few people still sober.

"Shika! Tell Shasuke he's a twat." Naruto had lurched over and was leaning on him, face covered in bright green blobs of jelly. He looked like a moron.

"Why now?"

"Because I stopped him from drowning himself in green." Sasuke was scowling whilst Itachi was taking photos and smiling. "Stop doing that!"

"Surely you'll enjoy showing these to him tomorrow though?" The evil grin on his face suggested he was more likely to plaster them all over the internet rather than just printing out a few copies.

"Shut up and get lost." The great Uchiha glare had emerged but it had no effect on other Uchiha's.

"Now now foolish little brother. You need to learn to chill." Sasuke looked like he wanted to do anything but chill.

"I'm gonna go look for Hidan..." There was no way he was getting in the middle of a row between these two and he hadn't seen his 'boyfriend' in a while. Most would say no news was good news but he knew better when it applied to this idiot. If he couldn't see him, he couldn't stop him.

"Hidan?" Itachi was distracted by the mention of a new name. "Who's that?"

"He's Shika's boyfriend." All of his friends had been told in advance the cover story although he did wish Naruto hadn't shouted so loudly as a few nearby people were staring.

"Boyfriend? Is he attractive?" Itachi was a fairly shallow man and generally attracted to anyone and anything that he deemed good looking enough.

"I suppose..."

"You must get him out here." _Oh no. _Itachi had one of those predatory looks in his eyes and it didn't look good.

"J-just a second!" Maybe he could put them together and they would cancel each other out.

As usual Hidan was as far away from human contact as he could go which in this case was the far corner of the garden. He was staring at the fish pond and watching the gold fish, although it was more likely he was considering them as a possible food source than just admiring them.

"What are you doing out here?" He hadn't heard the brunette approaching and jumped up.

"Shika!" Shikamaru nearly shrieked as Hidan jumped on him and held him close.

"What are you doing idiot?!" Some of the people in the back garden were looking and some were even cheering.

"I've been so fucking bored!"

"Why were you out here then?"

"There are too many people in there."

"And if you're out here I have to deal with them all by myself so get your ass in there."

"You want me?" As expected Hidan looked pleased at this.

"Well you provide a good distraction."

"But there's too many of them and they freak me the fuck out!"

"...Wait there." Shikamaru knew there was only one thing that could make someone relax at a party. Maybe it was a bad idea to give the pet psycho alcohol but it would definitely make him more sociable. He hoped so anyway. He grabbed a six pack of beers from the table.

"Here." He handed over the whole pack. Clearly Hidan needed it.

"Why beer?"

"If you drink alcohol you will chill out and socialise so get on to it."

"Ok~. He quickly downed the first one and moved on to the second.

_Maybe this wasn't such a good idea..._

"I'm gonna go back inside, come in when you feel like it." If he wasn't nearby then he couldn't take any responsibility for what happened.

-Page Break-

It was another hour before Hidan decided to appear. On the plus side he seemed perfectly happy to socialise with anyone and everyone. Sadly he'd also acquired more alcohol and was completely off his head.

"Isn't that your boyfriend?" Both Shikamaru and Sasuke were sitting in the corner and surveying the madness from a safe distance.

"Where?"

"Over there staring at Itachi. What's he doing?" _Oh hell._

"...I'm not 100% sure of this but I think he might be attempting to work out Itachi's gender."

"...I take back every bad thing I ever said about this guy, he's brilliant."

"I don't think Itachi will agree." The elder Uchiha had noticed and was attempting conversation. Hidan didn't seem to understand anything as complicated as words at the moment but had moved his stare from face to breast area. Itachi seemed to be asking what he wanted when Hidan reached out and grabbed the man's breasts and started squishing.

_Oh crap! He's dead. _Sasuke thought it was the most hilarious thing he'd seen but Shikamaru wanted to hide somewhere where he couldn't be associated with this moron. Itachi was now scowling and had pushed the boy away.

"What do you think will happen now?"

"Glad to see you're enjoying this."

"If you had an older brother you'd feel exactly the same." Hidan was still staring dazedly whilst Itachi was clearly getting pissed off. He was gesturing wildly and looking homicidal. The silver haired boy wasn't smart enough to understand why the boy was angry and clearly decided on another course of action.

"He's not...? Surely he really isn't that- oh."

"Well it seems you were wrong. He is definitely that stupid."

"I think I ought to get him out of there before he gets his dick ripped off."

"Considering the way he just grabbed Itachi's crotch, I think you'll have to be fast."

"Crap!" He had to run over before Itachi decided to break the moron's nose.

"Shiiikaaa!" Hidan started smothering him the second he got close enough. The boy smelt so strongly of alcohol it burnt at the back of his throat.

"What the hell is wrong with him?"

"Sorry about this Itachi, I think he's been broken by alcohol."

"He grabbed my chest and my dick!"

"...I'm so sorry."

"It'sh not my fault you look like a fucking chick!"

"...Get him away before I castrate him."

"Will do!" Shikamaru dragged him away before any more comments could be made. He pushed him down into a chair and scowled. "What the hell is wrong with you? And why did you drink that much? Where you managed to get that much is another good question."

"You told me to drink till I wanted to talk to peoples! That'sh how much I needed. And older Shika gave it to me."

"...I should've known." It seemed all anyone ever did was cause trouble for him.

"You're not pished are you?"

"Not as pissed as you are."

"I'm not pished! I feel fucking great!"

"Good to know." Of course he could see Shikaku was just as drunk as Hidan and even Yoshino was slightly tipsy. Instead of being able to go back to the safety of his corner where he could get out the way, he was grabbed by Hidan and pulled onto his back. "What are you doing now?"

"You're sho warm! And small." At least he seemed happy even if they were uncomfortably close. The boy was so clingy.

"Are you going to let go anytime soon?"

"Don't be so frigid!" _Frigid? _"It'sh not like we're having sex!"

"Maybe so but I quite like that nice corner over there."

"You said I was being antisocial! You're a dick!" Hidan pushed him off and sat there pouting.

_Mood swing much? _At least it gave him the chance to escape quickly before the boy could trap him again. Sasuke had noticed and was giving him one of those smiles as he returned.

"Just shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

"Keep it that way."

"Hidan's coming over here now."

"Eh?" Once again he was almost strangled by the psycho.

"I'm shorry! I mished you!"

"'Mished'?" The Uchiha looked amused whilst Shikamaru scowled.

"That didn't take you long."

"Let's go somewhere elsh! Away from this wanker!" Most people would avoid irritating either Uchiha at any one time. He'd managed to annoy both in one night. Shikamaru had little time to think as he was thrown over the taller mans shoulder and carried away.

"I can walk myself!"

"This way's more fun~."

"For you maybe!"

As predicted Ino and Choji were in his room but they soon scattered when Hidan entered carrying a very annoyed Shikamaru. When he was in a mood it was best not to annoy him further. He was dumped on the bed and soon straddled by Hidan looking very eager to please.

"What the hell are you doing now?"

"You seem streshed so I'm gonna make you feel better."

"You're gonna what now?" This question was answered when Hidan started kissing him whilst attempting to pull his trousers off. It was then that the amount of alcohol he'd consumed proved a point in the younger boys favour and he managed to shove the man off before he could get any clothes off.

"What the hell?! What is it with you and nudity?"

"But... I was trying to help!" And then started the puppy dog eyes.

"Err..." _What do you say to that? _

"You don't like anything I do! The fuck is wrong with you? Do you want me to suck you off, or do you want to fuck me? What you want?"

"I don't want any of that stuff!" _Why does he think sex is the answer to everything? _

"But I can't do anything elsh!" And the slurring had returned. Accompanied by the tears and the whining. "I shuck at everything! I can only do that kinda thing and if you don't want that, what can I do?"

"Don't cry! I'm sure there are plenty of other things you can do so stop being stupid. Just go to bed and sleep it off."

"But I'm so fucking depressed."

"You're just drunk, it's nothing major. So bed. Go. Now."

"Stay with me till I go to sleep?"

"You're not 5."

"Pleeaasssseeee!"

"Fine! God, that noise goes right through my head." Hidan pulled him down and held him close. "At least get changed first!"

"Dun wanna."

"...I despair of you."

"Mmm. Night Shika."

"Yeah good night."

"Love you."

"...Th-thanks." _Well this is awkward. _It was lucky that Hidan was too out of it to notice and he was practically half asleep already.

_Troublesome idiot... You're lucky you're not so annoying when you're sleeping. _

_**It's Shikaku's birthday today hence birthday party :3 Also I'll take any excuse to write in a drunk Hidan although a drunk Shikamaru would also be pretty funny :L And I forgot to reply to this earlier but I will put in more about Hidan's past at some point, I just need to find the right place for it. Thank you for reading and please review :3**_


	15. Chapter 15

**My Pet Peeve**

_**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**_

It really wasn't his day. Shikamaru had barely been up an hour and already he'd had to deal with his trashed house, still drunk from the night before father, and that odd couple from up the road who'd spent the night in their shed. All he wanted to do was to go back to bed but it seemed the world was conspiring against him.

"Can't you sort this yourself?"

"No! I don't want to be alone when I feel this-." Hidan broke off as he continued to retch into the toilet.

"It's your own fault for drinking so much." _At least he didn't throw up all over the bed though._

"You're not fucking helping!" He couldn't remember exactly what he'd been drinking; just that there had been a lot of it and that it had made him feel like shit this morning. The retching continued whilst Shikamaru sat next to him on the floor, rubbing the silver haired boy's back and sighing.

"Are you finished yet?" The sooner the boy stopped, the sooner he got to sleep.

"You could show a bit of sympathy asshole!"

"It's hard to be sympathetic when it's your own damn fault."

"It's not my fault! You're the one who told me to 'drink until I felt sociable'! Your exact words! Take responsibility for the shit that you do."

"You're not a child; you're responsible for you own actions."

"...Just shut the fuck up." Hidan really wasn't in the mood to be lectured. At least he'd stopped vomiting now.

"Now are you done?"

"Yes!"

"So can I go back to bed now?"

"...Shika? Could you do me a little favour first?"

"Oh for- What?"

"I'm hungry..."

"...You've just been sick idiot."

"It's ok, it's all gone. Please Shika!"

"...Fine. Toast?"

"How about bacon?"

"...You owe me for this." At least it didn't take long for him to cook the damn food and he dumped the plate on Hidan's head and happily made his way to his bed. "I'm not getting out of bed until I feel like it and you are going to not say a word until then."

Half an hour was all it lasted. Oddly enough it wasn't either of the loudmouths that bothered him, but the nagging woman.

"Shika? Are you awake?" _...Godammit._

"Need something?"

"Do you mind going down to town for me? I need some food."

"...Why do I have to go?"

"Because I'm busy here!" _...Even though I've already cleaned half the damn house._

"Can't I have another hour?"

"You sleep your life away! Look how much of the day has already been!" Shikamaru had to hold back from shouting.

"But I only just-."

"Just do this one little thing for me and you can stay in bed all day, ok?"

"...Fine." _Anything to shut her up. _Hidan was half asleep on the floor and Shikamaru threw a shoe at his head. "If I have to go out, you're coming with me." Hidan did not reply and instead stared at him. "What? Why are you doing that?"

Hidan started gesturing and mouthing words which just infuriated the Nara further. Another shoe went flying across the room, this time hitting him square in the face.

"Ow! That shit hurt!"

"What were you doing then?"

"You told me not to say anything!" _...Little smartass._

"Just get dressed."

"I am dressed."

"In outdoor clothes, not boxers."

"Tch. You're such a killjoy." At least he did do as he was told and Shikamaru was glad at least someone would be forced to suffer with him. Especially as the shops at this time of morning would be full of people.

"Try not to offend anyone while we're out, ok?"

"I don't know what you mean." The innocent look on his face was infuriating.

"McDonalds. That is all."

"That was _her _fault! She was being a bitch!"

"You didn't help the situation and you swore at a child. Just avoid talking to people, ok?"

"Damn you're a hypocrite. Last night you wanted me to socialise, now you don't?! You confuse the shit out of me sometimes."

"..." _Like you can talk. _

He did seem to get the point though, even if he did give the majority of people passing them a dirty look. It was better than the usual though so he simply let him do it. It also meant that people stayed away from them which was how he liked it. He may not be as antisocial as Hidan but that didn't mean he was going to chat to everyone he walked past. Especially not in his current sleep deprived state.

"Wow, pretty obvious what that bitch was doing." Shikamaru had been daydreaming but Hidan's voice bought him back to earth.

"What?"

"Her." Hidan pointed towards a young girl, still dressed from the night before and wobbling slightly on her heels.

"What about her?"

"She definitely got some last night." This wouldn't have been a problem if he'd just said to him but as he practically shouted it at the girl it was hard to ignore.

"Shhh!" By now everybody was looking at them, including the girl who looked embarrassed and very annoyed.

"What? Just saying it like it is."

"You don't really need to say anything..."

"I'd rather say something than be a pussy like all these assholes." Yet again everyone heard and he had to drag him down the street before fights broke out. As expected the supermarket was full of people and Shikamaru let out an audible groan. Somehow he knew this wasn't going to end well.

_It'll be my own fault though... I chose to bring him. _As expected Hidan was not best pleased at the number of people. On the plus side the psychotic glaring was keeping everybody else away. _I suppose he does have his uses._

-Page Break-

"Here. Present for you." Shikamaru dumped a plate of chocolate cake in front of Hidan who immediately lit up. It wasn't the nicest cafe in the world, but it did nice cake.

"Cake!"

"You didn't get any last night, did you? And I wanted to thank you for coming with me." Plus he did feel kind of bad for taking out his moods on Hidan because his family were annoying him.

"You're fucking awesome! I love you Shika!" _Eh?_

"Hidan?"

"Mmph?" He'd already started stuffing his face and he was covered in chocolate sauce.

"...Slow down, you'll be sick again. And what was that you just said?"

"What you mean?"

"...You said you loved me." Shikamaru blushed. He couldn't help it really; it was an awkward situation to say the least. Ever since Hidan had come around, he'd had to deal with a lot of awkward things.

"Yeah?" He didn't see what was so hard to understand here.

"Did you actually mean that?"

"Huh? Why would I say something I didn't mean? That'd be stupid." Although they were in a public place and the bored waitress was staring right at them, Shikamaru didn't care.

"But what if I said I wasn't interested!" He wasn't exactly indecisive but he could never be certain when it came to how he felt.

"I already know you like me no matter what you say, jackass." _He's calling me a jackass?_

"How? How can you possible know what I'm thinking?" _Even I don't know! _

"You wouldn't pretend I was your boyfriend or let me live with you if you didn't like me a little, and you sleep in the same bed with me and you put up with all my shit." _Wow. That is a scarily good point. _Hidan continued to eat like there wasn't anything odd going on.

"St-still..." _And now I'm acting like a school girl. Wonderful. _Unusually for him, he couldn't work out what to say. Obviously he'd been considering this when they'd decided on the cover story but never seriously.

_Anyway it's Hidan! He's lazy and whiny and selfish and clingy and-. _Hidan felt the gaze on him and glanced up. He'd finished eating the cake and his face was now covered in chocolate sauce. The boy gave him a wide grin and Shikamaru was torn between flushing and hitting the idiot.

"Wipe your face fool!" Old habits die hard.

"Why don't you lick it off?" It seemed he was getting a bit ahead of himself and he needed to be put back in his place.

"You want to sleep in the shed tonight?"

"No?"

"Then quit the back chat and wipe your stupid face!"

-Page Break-

No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, Shikamaru couldn't help but notice Hidan's continuous staring. Instead of saying anything he kept watching the TV and staring straight ahead in the hope that the boy would get bored of this little game. If anything it amused him even more.

Everyone already thought they were together and it was pretty obvious that the feeling was mutual. Plus he was bored out of his mind and he needed something to do.

"Shika~." He purred into the Nara's ear and the boy shuddered and pushed him away.

"Stop that!" He couldn't disguise the blush so it was obvious he was enjoying this game as much as he was.

"Why?"

"Because it's irritating!" _And embarrassing! _There were a few minutes of silence before...

"Hey Shika?"

"What?!"

"Can we go upstairs?"

"Why?"

"Because your parents don't want to watch this obviously. And you say I'm stupid."

"..." _Please don't mean what I think you mean. _

"So?" Hidan put his arms around him and pulled him close. "We doing this shit or not?"

"No!" Luckily he managed to hit him while it was unexpected and shoved the boy on the floor. "Are you insane?! I have a lot to think about right now! I don't need you complicating things!"

"But-."

"No buts! Just leave me alone for a minute, ok?!" Shikamaru stormed up the stairs and slammed the door leaving Hidan alone.

_Stubborn asshole! _He wouldn't touch him if the boy didn't want him to; he was just a bit frustrated. It had been too long and he did like Shikamaru. _Damn him to hell! If he's gonna be a dick then I'm staying down here... But I don't want to sleep on the sofa... Fuck it; I'll just wait until he's asleep._

"Everything ok?" He hadn't expected Yoshino to suddenly appear and jumped once again.

"Gah! When'd you get there?"

"Just now. Where's Shika gone?"

"Upstairs."

"Did something happen?" _...So you were listening you nosy bitch._

"Everything's fine." He was speaking through gritted teeth. If he swore at her then Shikamaru might be more pissed at him.

"Don't worry if he's a little upset about something. Shikamaru has always been a little melodramatic but if you let him calm down he'll be fine again."

"Err... Thanks?"

"No problem." And she shuffled off again leaving Hidan wondering why she'd even appeared in the first place.

-Page Break-

"Oi Shika." Hidan forced the door open and stormed in, not caring what the boy was doing. Shikamaru had sadly been sleeping and sat up in bed when he walked in. It took him a few minutes to process that there was another person in the room.

"Hidan? Did you want something?" His voice was heavy from sleep and his eyes looked blurry. It was a strangely adorable look for such a plain looking boy.

"Err..." _How pissed would he be if I said 'you'? _"Are you still pissed off at me?"

"Pissed off?" _Oh! _"No! I just..." He blushed again. "I just needed some space for a minute."

"Can I come up here then? I'm bored."

"If you want..." _As long as you don't try any of your weird games._

"Fuck yes! I love you Shika!" He ignored Shikamaru's spluttering and started rifling through his things again.

"Wait! Don't touch that box!"

"Eh?" All he'd done was pull an old box out from the cupboard. "Why~?"

"Because it's private!" There were few invitations better than that. Before the boy had time to stop him, Hidan had pulled off the lid... to a box full of magazines.

"...What the hell is this?"

"It's... Nothing!"

"...You dirty pervert! How long have you had this stash!"

"I don't use them! My dad gave them to me!"

"Then why'd you keep it all? Damn hypocrite."

"I used to throw them away but he kept putting them back so I just stashed them!"

"A likely story! You owe me for this!"

"Why?"

"They're all women! I'm more than enough for you."

"...I'm going back to sleep." Although he tried, he was soon slapped hard on the head. "What are you doing?!"

"You are gonna help me burn this crap, right now!"

"But-."

"Now!"

_**I meant to update this last week but I had to look after my 9 year old cousin most of the week so no time :L Thanks for reading and please review :3 **_


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